Melancholy ~

On May 26th, Rhockaby is feeling : Melancholy ~

This week I had a paper titled 'Transformation - The Process of Change'. It was due Friday and I was kinda behind schedule (yup ... yup ... what else is new) but I managed. It was an art based paper for my flash course, so no, none of my other course-mates had to do it cause none of them are doing the subject.

Now though I managed to bullcrap my way through the paper (having no idea on what I was writing), it did actually get me thinking bout changes that we experience day to day, particularly those that affect us significantly.

Moods, health, relationships, perception, insights, friendship, trust ... nothing stays the same. Most of the time changes happen abruptly and seem to make the world a much better place to be in! These make us wake up looking forward to the day, help us walk down streets with a song in our heads and smile stretched across our faces. And then come the unexpected changes, those that take us by surprise. They leave us tainted, corrupt, empty and shocked. And thats just the entrée.

We're all familiar with the feeling. Hopelessly lost, neglectful of reality, going 'why why why' and feeling so alone .... we've all been there. Friends change into foes. Smiles change into frowns. Encouragement changes into curses. Trust changes into betrayal and honesty into lies lies lies. Change change change. You fall down and hit rhockbottom (yes, pun intended ;P).

I've always believed that staying down is a choice, one that has may factors, where will alone will simply not do. People want nothing more than to feel better, feel happy. But sometimes 'wanting' is not enough. They need support, encouragement and most of all COMFORT.

*Note* When a friend comes to you with a problem, don't rush to tell them how to get over it. Listen and comfort. Let them repeat themselves. If they wanted to know how to overcome things they're better of reading a book. Books don't listen. Books don't comfort. Listen and comfort. Remember that for the rest of your lives :) ~

Like I said, many many factors to the road of recovery. When they have the support they need and the will to go on, then they'll be able to make the choice; stay down or get up. And don't laugh when people want to stay down, some need more recovery time than others. If they choose to stay down, let them to a certain extent (cause lets face it, no one really likes a cry baby). Be there for them. That way when they're finally up on their feet and back on treading the world, you'll know you've done a helluva good job (even though they usually don't realize it, but who cares ~) and have something to be proud of. Change complete!

Change is inevitable. Bad change is as likely as good change, and the bad hits hardest when less expected. Read that again. HARDEST WHEN LESS EXPECTED. You could be forever cautious of your surroundings and a little paranoid and expect everything that there is to be expected. That way you'll be hurt free and will most likely never shed another tear or throw another fist.

But hey, where's the fun in living like that? ;)

Delectable ~

On May 15th, Rhockaby is feeling : Delectable ~

Honestly, it really is hard for me to come up with a five person dance routine to a very fast paced rock song. Really. So why do I do it? Well, theres the challenge of it (challenge being trying to combine two very different types of art in an attempt to show that all of art can actually be linked together in sync and harmony) and there's the force of habit.

As a child, I lacked toys (well no, not really. I actually had all the toys I wanted. I even consider myself quite spoiled sometimes ... anyway ...). To make up for this lack of playing things, I'd turn every other household item into one. Trying my best not to sound so stuck up, I can see me back then, sitting by myself and playing with random things, making sound effects and reciting dialogs ... and boy was I cute. The lid of a pen was a super-cool motorcycle of the future, my dad's watch was a sea monster that could onnect to other sea monsters (really, you can connect a couple of watches together, you get a really cool chain) and my scissor was a headless man with sharp legs and round arms.

But the best toy that I have ever had (EVER HAD) has to be my fingers. I remember sitting on the school bench waiting for the van to pick me up, I'd rehearse fights between my left hand and my right hand. Sometimes I'd let my left hand win, only cause mom said that I had to be fair to everyone even though they were sometimes bad (mom didn't know that it was my left hand that broke her vase, betcha she would have thought differently of it if she knew, ngeh ngeh).

When they weren't fighting, they were dancing. Sometimes they were people, sometimes they'd be on all fours and had an index finger as a head. Then they'd be something I refer to as 'it', a creature that walks on all four (fingers) and is able to roll up into an indestructible ball (my fist) when they sense danger. But mostly people.

So, if you see me just sitting back in my chair at home, in Starbucks or even a lecture hall; eyes staring blankly, earphones on with music full blast and have no acknowledgment of the outside world what so ever... look at my fingers. If they're jiggling about, making weird circles and moving in perfect sync, you're looking at a five man dancing routine in the making.Somethings never change. Then again, why would you want them to?

Ambiguous ~

On May 5th, Rhockaby is feeling : Ambiguous ~

I have a stupid habit.

See, my study table is a foot from my bed (or queen-sized sleeping mattress placed nicely on the floor so I don't need to buy a bed).

Everytime I finish using my phone, be it a call or messaging, I love to throw the phone onto the bed so that it lands nicely between my two pillows. The scene of something precious flailing helplessly in the air as if just waiting an eternity to crash into a million little fibers, when its fall is cushioned by the accepting softness of the great divide between my two pillows, and lands safely, unharmed ... it is this scene that brings an unknown warmth to my heart.

The only drawback is that everytime a message comes through, I need to get up, bend over, move the pillows, grab the phone, sit back down, see what someone wants with me, return the call or sms ... and after I'm done I instantly spot that oh so familiar spot on my bed and toss my phone ...

Up ... up ... up ... peak moment ... down ... down ... down ... *soft thud*

All that unconsciously. 10 seconds later another message will come in. Repeat routine.

I have a stupid habit. And no one can help me. Pfft!