Rapt ~

On June 22nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Rapt ~

And as the night goes on, students will burn the midnight oil (the royals as well as those fast-tracking somewhere up there) as tomorrow hosts a series or exams for future engineers and accountants.

Words are a very powerful medium. Tis true the old phrase that goes 'the pen is mightier than the sword' though 12 years ago I would have thought this was some mighty pen that knights of the old age used to beat up their enemies if they dropped their swords or something...

*beat beat beat* take that yee petty thief! Thou shall feel the wrath of thy might pen! Doth thou desire it? DOTH THOUUUUU!??!?!??!?!?!??

...and then used it to sign petitions or contracts or stuff.

With words come influence, and this is where the might of words come into play. A whole nation can be swayed into thinking a war is theirs to fight, individuals persuaded to side on an illusion, and so on. While no major war has broken out due to a clash of friends (wait, how did the Boston Tea Party start again?), words should not be taken lightly even at such conventional levels.

Choose your words wisely before you speak. Some may brush off yet most stab and stay, and to stab and stay in the heart of those you cherish might not be the most preferable thing to do.

And remember, it does work both ways. As such a pain is inflicted, remedy with an apology, sincere and truthful (with a pinch of remorse and you're good to go). Nothing beats putting your ego aside and mend. Mend mend mend.

Now off to more important things.

Rejuvenated ~

On June 2nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Rejuvenated ~

Tis that time again when all skies turn grey and winds blast your face with ice cold stabs of imaginary ice beams. Winter is much colder this time around. Waking up, or shall I say staying up after 6.00am is out of the question. You wake up expecting the sunshine bouncing off the Commonwealth building into your room only to be greeted by layers and layers of fog. Not a way to start your day, but everyone has to get out none the less.

Day are getting shorter, as are nights. No, I didn't mean it literally. With the increasing work load and exam around the corner, everyone is under stress. Not much space to breath if you're pushing your thesis a few months early, trust me. But all for a good reason. Fortunate for me, my stress relievers are well provided and all around available.

Guitar hero, nandos, talking bS on the phone, laa dii daa... what would I do without the ark gang!

All but a small consolation from the compressive nature of June. Hectic hectic hectic, busy busy busy. Recently I've learned that given the nature of the atmosphere, I have derailed myself from my multi-tasking nature and focus solely (SOLELY) on what is most important to me. No, I am not a workaholic but hey, there's always a first time for everything. Putting all you hold significant on hold isn't easy, but you get by.

And now, back to BUSM2342.

Atingle ~

On May 4th, Rhockaby is feeling : Atingle ~

Here's something from my 100 reasons why I love you :)

"...
90. The way you say 'I love you' after a big fight
89. Just the way you say 'I love you'
88. The way you wait for me while I dance
87. The way you edit my pics
86. The way you change tunes on your ipod in my swift
86. (Well... make that Dedek's Swift)
85. The way you choose somewhere new to go for lunch
84. Though it usually ends up someplace we've already been
83. The way you secretly log-on into my accounts
82. The way you just absolutely love surprises
81. The way you just absolutely love to ruin them as well
..."

So sayang, would you like to see the whole thing?

Audacious ~

On November 24th, Rhockaby is feeling : Audacious~

By the time I finish this, a call would have been made and a promise would have been kept. Go on, wonder what I'm talking about.

"A confidant, hyped up and optimistic person" is how I describe myself best. I don't think I'm a confidant person, I know I am (see, thats confidence right there).

Some people lead life mediocrely. They don't jump to every opportunity, make best of every moment and don't take enough risks. But why should they? If people live a perfectly normal life, why fix something that isn't broken?

Because for some people, they're comfortable living a normal life. Routine after routine, day after day, living life as served to them. Me? I take the fight to the world. Routines are meant to be guidelines, not lifestyles. Risks are meant to be taken, not thoroughly analyzed.

People say modern day adventures don't exist. I say get off you Yahoo Messenger and You-Tube, stop the excessive shopping, get in line at a cafe and make small talk with the cashier while putting in your order. Learn the names of the waiters that serve you in your favorite restaurants, talk and be friend them. Learn to hold the door for the person behind you when entering or exiting, learn to say 'Hi!' before placing an order at a local fast food outlet. Small things, things that people neglect for fear of public reaction. Whats wrong with being friendly and out going? Whats wrong in being confidant and loving to speak up? Exactly, absolutely NOTHING.

Its called 'A leap of faith' for a reason. Despite the lack of empirical evidence to support your cause, confidence is all that you have when you take that step and soar. There is no guarantee that you'll reach the other side. There's always a risk of falling. There's always a chance of not making it. Who's to say the cashier will want to engage in small talk after you approach em. Who's to say that business op that you've undertaken will bloom you with riches. Who's to say Who's to say Who's to say ~

Think too much of the future and you'll be stuck in the present for ever. Learn to have faith in what you want and what you believe in. Most times rational is the way to go, other times its your gut and instincts that you should listen too. Or in other terms; what you heart tells you. I'm not saying that you should make choices solely based on cravings, sometimes the human mind can be so blinded by obsession that they'll do some ridiculous things! Find a balance, know when to take risks, know when to be confidant, know when to speak up and speak your mind. Take that leap of faith cause I assure you when you do land on the other side, it'll be all worth it.

A word of warning. With a great boost in confidence, your crashes in life become more devastating. You will suffer more than others, no BS. But you'll fall down, and you'll get up. And you'll fall again, and you'll get up again. And each time you get up you get stronger. You learn how to cope, you learn how to lean on others for support, you learn how to recover to a point that you surprise even yourself. Then life really begins, when you are not afraid to enjoy the best things in life without worrying too much bout what the outcome may be. The good things in life, the finer things in life, the way life should be lived, to the fullest!

Live life to the max. You'll live longer if you do :)

Dubious ~

On September 10th, Rhockaby is feeling : Dubious~

The older you get, they more you realize how good you had it a year ago. So many things come to mind, wishful wonders of what could and would have been if 'I did that' or 'I tried it out' or 'I went for it!'.

If I'd paid more attention, I would have realized that I was getting the same response from everyone. In most, if not all cases, I would get the answer:

'We're still young, Zack. We have plenty of time'
'What are you so worried about? There's always next year!'
'Ilek-ilek lah, mun ada rezeki jadilah nya'

I myself am guilty of uttering these words. And so I delayed. And I postponed. To egoistic to pick up and phone and to lazy to plan out my holiday. Thinking there is always another tomorrow to do another thing on my endless To-Do list that just keeps accumulating with age.
Is there really a tomorrow? YES. Should I wait till tomorrow to do stuff? YES. Why? Because today I'll be doing what I planned to do yesterday. TO LIVE. I'll dance while I can, meet new people while I can, chillax and lepak while I can, and truly truly absolutely-lutely have fun while doing so.

I was walking home this morning. The skies were blue and there was a soft breeze blowing. It's a beautiful day. Subahanallah, indahnya ciptaan Allah. How shall I make full use of this day? I am now in an outdoor food court, with a venti Caramel Mocha, wireless connection and a few ruffled notes from my lectures, doing my Wastewater assignment research. The breeze is amazing, the people are amazing, the atmosphere is amazing. I am alive, and I am enjoying life.

And you should, BY ALL MEANS, do so too. Allah bless you ;)

Jubilant ~

On June 30th, Rhockaby is feeling : Jubilant~

Despite what the blog time might say, I am typing this at 7.04AM (GMT+8.00 Malay Peninsular Standard Time).

Well, I really don't FEEL any different. Should I? Ngahahahaha ... here's a list I compiled 30 days prior to this special day of mine.

[30221] - Ada someone merajuk cause couldn't figure out what 30221 means ~
[29221] - Watched Pirates of the Caribbean!
[28221] - Got breakdancing pictures from Zammay! Whoot!
[27221] - Called home. Told mom plans for my new room.
[26221] - Had an exam feast! Roast roast and more roast ~
[25221] - Moved flat boxes under my matress ... actually DOES make a difference :P
[24221] - Had a nice chat with an old pal. Oh, and I aced the CIVE1143 exam!
[23221] - Homesick ... really bad case of it too.
[22221] - I did my soul good :)
[21221] - She loves me, she loves me not ... she loves me!
[20221] - Got the Soul Higher DVD! Sweet!
[19221] - Scammed a guy on Maple .... hahaha ~
[18221] - Fell in love with Leeloo. MOOLTIPASS!
[17221] - Boyination 5 trailer out!
[16221] - Done with exams, so bye-bye Jhune!
[15221] - Danced with Lamaroc! For the first time in 3 years!
[14221] - Stayed up all night playing Maple Story ... must ... get ... rich ... must ...!
[13221] - Created Rhockumaru ... *in tears* ... its amazing .....
[12221] - Found out I own a $200 beanie that I never got to wear. *looks up* Now thats just means X(
[11221] - (L)
[10221] - Early birthday celebration! Thanks everyone! XD
[09221] - Got me a Maplestory maple bandana! FINALLY!
[08221] - Hello Goldcoast! Whoooooootttttttttt!
[07221] - Outdoor Jacuzzi at Wet and Wild. Oh yeaa ~
[06221] - Accelerated at 4Gs on the Superman Escape. *_*
[05221] - Discovered popcorn with 'Cheese & Cheese' flavour. Did you get that? CHEESE & CHEESE!!!
[04221] - She misses me ~ ;)
[03221] - Walked the lively streets of Brizzy!
[02221] - Watched Transformers 2007 ... I'm a little boy again ~
[01221] - Finished my 30221 list :)

Thanks to all who remembered and wished. Don't worry bout not getting me prezzies, I claim them in bulk!

And just in case you wanted to get me a present for my 22nd birthday, here are a couple of things that I might want:

1. A girlfriend (For more specifications PM me)
   
2. Sony Ericsson 880i
   
3. Sony Ericsson MPS-60 (Portable speakers to go with my new phone)
   
4. Playstation 3
   
5. Tekken 7 bundled with my Playstation 3
   
6. A desktop
   
7. HDD Videocam
   
8. A box full of love and laughter (hahahahhahahaa ~)
   
9. Maplestory credit (100k of A-Cash would be nice)
   
10. Yet another RED hoodie
    
11. A Mini Cooper S
    
12. A yearly tram ticket would be nice
    
13. A digital camera
    
14. A cap! A nice red and white baseball cap!
    
15. Shades, nice sporty shades
    
16. A well defined haircut. Propose and I might just do it
    
17. B-boying gloves. Nice black ones please
    
18. Nike Ace 86 shoes
    
19. A pony
    
20. An endless flight pass to Kuching, free for use anytime I wish :)

Melancholy ~

On May 26th, Rhockaby is feeling : Melancholy ~

This week I had a paper titled 'Transformation - The Process of Change'. It was due Friday and I was kinda behind schedule (yup ... yup ... what else is new) but I managed. It was an art based paper for my flash course, so no, none of my other course-mates had to do it cause none of them are doing the subject.

Now though I managed to bullcrap my way through the paper (having no idea on what I was writing), it did actually get me thinking bout changes that we experience day to day, particularly those that affect us significantly.

Moods, health, relationships, perception, insights, friendship, trust ... nothing stays the same. Most of the time changes happen abruptly and seem to make the world a much better place to be in! These make us wake up looking forward to the day, help us walk down streets with a song in our heads and smile stretched across our faces. And then come the unexpected changes, those that take us by surprise. They leave us tainted, corrupt, empty and shocked. And thats just the entrée.

We're all familiar with the feeling. Hopelessly lost, neglectful of reality, going 'why why why' and feeling so alone .... we've all been there. Friends change into foes. Smiles change into frowns. Encouragement changes into curses. Trust changes into betrayal and honesty into lies lies lies. Change change change. You fall down and hit rhockbottom (yes, pun intended ;P).

I've always believed that staying down is a choice, one that has may factors, where will alone will simply not do. People want nothing more than to feel better, feel happy. But sometimes 'wanting' is not enough. They need support, encouragement and most of all COMFORT.

*Note* When a friend comes to you with a problem, don't rush to tell them how to get over it. Listen and comfort. Let them repeat themselves. If they wanted to know how to overcome things they're better of reading a book. Books don't listen. Books don't comfort. Listen and comfort. Remember that for the rest of your lives :) ~

Like I said, many many factors to the road of recovery. When they have the support they need and the will to go on, then they'll be able to make the choice; stay down or get up. And don't laugh when people want to stay down, some need more recovery time than others. If they choose to stay down, let them to a certain extent (cause lets face it, no one really likes a cry baby). Be there for them. That way when they're finally up on their feet and back on treading the world, you'll know you've done a helluva good job (even though they usually don't realize it, but who cares ~) and have something to be proud of. Change complete!

Change is inevitable. Bad change is as likely as good change, and the bad hits hardest when less expected. Read that again. HARDEST WHEN LESS EXPECTED. You could be forever cautious of your surroundings and a little paranoid and expect everything that there is to be expected. That way you'll be hurt free and will most likely never shed another tear or throw another fist.

But hey, where's the fun in living like that? ;)

Delectable ~

On May 15th, Rhockaby is feeling : Delectable ~

Honestly, it really is hard for me to come up with a five person dance routine to a very fast paced rock song. Really. So why do I do it? Well, theres the challenge of it (challenge being trying to combine two very different types of art in an attempt to show that all of art can actually be linked together in sync and harmony) and there's the force of habit.

As a child, I lacked toys (well no, not really. I actually had all the toys I wanted. I even consider myself quite spoiled sometimes ... anyway ...). To make up for this lack of playing things, I'd turn every other household item into one. Trying my best not to sound so stuck up, I can see me back then, sitting by myself and playing with random things, making sound effects and reciting dialogs ... and boy was I cute. The lid of a pen was a super-cool motorcycle of the future, my dad's watch was a sea monster that could onnect to other sea monsters (really, you can connect a couple of watches together, you get a really cool chain) and my scissor was a headless man with sharp legs and round arms.

But the best toy that I have ever had (EVER HAD) has to be my fingers. I remember sitting on the school bench waiting for the van to pick me up, I'd rehearse fights between my left hand and my right hand. Sometimes I'd let my left hand win, only cause mom said that I had to be fair to everyone even though they were sometimes bad (mom didn't know that it was my left hand that broke her vase, betcha she would have thought differently of it if she knew, ngeh ngeh).

When they weren't fighting, they were dancing. Sometimes they were people, sometimes they'd be on all fours and had an index finger as a head. Then they'd be something I refer to as 'it', a creature that walks on all four (fingers) and is able to roll up into an indestructible ball (my fist) when they sense danger. But mostly people.

So, if you see me just sitting back in my chair at home, in Starbucks or even a lecture hall; eyes staring blankly, earphones on with music full blast and have no acknowledgment of the outside world what so ever... look at my fingers. If they're jiggling about, making weird circles and moving in perfect sync, you're looking at a five man dancing routine in the making.Somethings never change. Then again, why would you want them to?

Ambiguous ~

On May 5th, Rhockaby is feeling : Ambiguous ~

I have a stupid habit.

See, my study table is a foot from my bed (or queen-sized sleeping mattress placed nicely on the floor so I don't need to buy a bed).

Everytime I finish using my phone, be it a call or messaging, I love to throw the phone onto the bed so that it lands nicely between my two pillows. The scene of something precious flailing helplessly in the air as if just waiting an eternity to crash into a million little fibers, when its fall is cushioned by the accepting softness of the great divide between my two pillows, and lands safely, unharmed ... it is this scene that brings an unknown warmth to my heart.

The only drawback is that everytime a message comes through, I need to get up, bend over, move the pillows, grab the phone, sit back down, see what someone wants with me, return the call or sms ... and after I'm done I instantly spot that oh so familiar spot on my bed and toss my phone ...

Up ... up ... up ... peak moment ... down ... down ... down ... *soft thud*

All that unconsciously. 10 seconds later another message will come in. Repeat routine.

I have a stupid habit. And no one can help me. Pfft!

Debilitated ~

On April 11th, Rhockaby is feeling : Debilitated ~

Happy Birthday Abuyah!

The need to preoccupy myself with distractions is wearing thin. A good sign that the healing process had completed, longer than I expected though. Either that or I'm getting bored with my daily routine. Anyways ... I don't really feel the urge to do things anymore.

A tournament is coming up and I haven't been training as hard as I should be. It's not so much of being lazy, its not having the heart to do so. No grasp on purpose.

I haven't been dancing much either. The crowd is always there, the dancers are always there, a fixed location within 5 minutes of walking time. No time? Oh please, if you really wanted to do something you would make time, regardless of your schedule. No excuses now eh?

(Oh cool, Champion League Man U (7) - Rome (1))

Instead, I find myself actually wanting to go to the library and study. I find myself going through notes rather than sketching. I find myself going swimming every time I have the urge to watch Family Guy. I find myself wearing red ... less. I have not bought a single new red garment in the past six months. I find myself growing my hair instead of keeping it short like I always do. I find myself pondering bout things to come rather than concentrating on things at hand. I cook my meals now more often than ever. I find myself listening more than talking. I find myself helping others, yet not being able to solve my own mysteries.

I'd hate to think people misinterpret this post as a cheap fishing attempt for a barrage of sympathy and concern related messages. It's not. It is a tender to those who can provide insight. A stranger's perception is usually unbiased though rarely authentic, but I'd like to know anyway.

Times are changing but it doesn't mean you should too. But what if you did it unwillingly, subconsciously? Does heart, desire and will give in to this primordial and fundamental instinct?

Or like I said, either that or I'm getting bored with my daily routine and should get an inamorata ASAP ... :)

"You taste like honey, honey, tell me can I be your honey?"

Magnanimous ~

On December 31st, Rhockaby is feeling : Magnanimous ~

What you give you get back.

What you put in you receive.

What happened before will return full circle.

What goes around comes around.

The memorabilia of 2006, 100 top things worth remembering this year! Here goes:

100. I managed to get into 2nd year in Uni!
99. I found another person with the same birthday as me.
98. I started using Limewire.
97. I discovered Tao.
96. I got a crush on someone.
95. Got me a new pair of jeans.
94. Helped grandmama at her stall.
93. Started using Adobe Photoshop.
92. Made a new best friend.
91. Learned how to make chicken rice.
80. Got heaps of acknowledgments for my Useless Facts!
89. Officially raw-battled for the first time.
88. Went to Genting!
87. Rode awesome roller coasters!
86. Fell in love. :)
85. Came up with the name "M*** *** C******" for a cafe I wanna open.
84. Visited distant family in KL.
83. Plan on getting a new phone.(w950 ... drools ...)
82. Received a keepsake.
81. Gave away Kanchome! ;)
80. Discovered mms! Hahaha ~
79. Enjoyed karaoke.
78. Got a job, all by my little self.
77. Got called a 'mutha******' at work. :(
76. Bought an apron.
75. Received my very first hard earned pay! :D
74. Saw a different side of Melbourne.
73. Learned to appreciate the gift that is Starbucks.
72. Became a Tekken hardcore.
71. Singlehandedly washed plates, cups, pans, utensils and equipment to provide food for 400++ hungry customers. So don't ever tell me I don't know what labor work feels like cause I've been there.
70. Broke a heart.
69. Embraced CSS coding.
68. In one night played with the webcam more than I've played in a year.
67. Danced with Melbourne's finest breakers.
66. Developed in interest to Suckoa.
65. Lent a large sum of money! (Trust me, it's not you.)
64. Got a red pair of gloves! Comfy!
63. Given the alias 'Yoshi' by the tekken guys.
62. Started vigorous abdomen workouts.
61. Bough a dis functional webcam. :(
60. Got my w810i! Whoot whoot!
59. Talked. And talked. And talked.
58. Finished a massive steel structures report.
57. Failed to answer a very important call.
56. Got the shock of the year.
55. Had cousins fly in from Malaysia to lift spirits up!
54. Had my hair tied!
53. Beat Johnno at Tekken!
52. Got a leather jacket as a gift!
51. Quit work for the first time. Got a steak as a going away present, haha!
50. Got my heart broken.
49. Found comfort in solitude and tears. :)
48. Discovered the joy that is Alone Time.
47. Tasted custard tarts!
46. Got more than 50++ kids to dance and express themselves at an event!
45. Bought my first AX shirt!
44. Busted prefect mills in a break session.
43. Bought my now missing-in-action black army cap.
42. Battled cat city's local bboys.
41. Discovered Pandan Susu Drink!
40. Status change.
39. Relived Taekwondo.
38. Made loads of new friends!
37. Introduced to the joy that is Paulino Piotto!
36. Wore a construction safety hat for the first time.
35. Stopped a fight on Swanston Street.
34. Attended 7.00 am training sessions.
33. Started to enjoy green tea!
32. Won silver in Taekwondo Australian Uni Games! :D
31. Started to converse in basic chinese.
30. Rode in an ambulance for the first time!
29. Introduced to Maplestory!
28. Traveled to Adelaide by land.
27. Dosed with morphine. Wicked stuff, seriously.
26. Had korean food! Yummy!
25. Experienced the damnation that is land surveying; traversing and leveling! :~(
24. Started using BitComet!
23. Tried a new hairstyle, works awesomely!
22. Had a big hassle with my insurance company.
21. Got on Tram 86 instead of 96 and enjoyed a less-than-thrilling ride to Bundoora Campus.
20. Got a crush.
19. Played badminton with friends, first time in years.
18. Got to level 30 with my Assassin! :D
17. Bought A-Cash!
16. Nailed a 180-flip, with air!
15. Visited Yaya's house for Raya celebration!
14. Discovered Umai! Waa, belalak aih!
13. Got a friend a jacket!
12. Rearranged my room, so spacious now!
11. Hit 160km/h!
10. Flew a kite with Ayu!
9. Discovered e-cosway! Haha, life time supply of free money!
8. Started wearing a watch.
7. Discovered I have food allergy! 0_0"
6. Learnt how to read, write and speak Mandarin!
5. Forgave and forgot.
4. Hugged mom.
3. Slept on the forsaken mat in the dining area. Damn, I'm gonna miss that mat.
2. Wrote a list of a hundred things worth remembering this year.

And now, the number 1 thing most memorable of 2006 for Rhockaby is ...

1. AT 20 YEARS OLD I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE! AND NOT JUST THE SMALL BIKES, BUT ABUYAH'S BIG BIKE! WAAAA, I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF!

(Highlight here!)

Thanks 2006, you were fun at times, then dull, and then you were adrenaline pumping, and then you were just plain mean. But all and all, I'd have nothing changed. It was a great year for me, period! Looking forward to another year! Whoppie!

Tepid ~

On December 25th, Rhockaby is feeling : Tepid ~

Comes the nightfall will return the dawn.

Now in many ways, I believe the concept of karma. Buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat dibalas jahat. So when people do harm to you, initially you think that either they will pay for their misguided actions or you will receive some sort of consolation.

But how about this ...

Say a misdeed has been done upon you, for reasons that you find complete obscene. In no way do you find this act tolerable and by your standards its something you just don't do to other people. Now add a separation of time into this scenario. You're all better now, the previous ache is nothing more than a bantam itch. All is well when suddenly ... JENG JENG JENG (sorry couldn't resist) ... a familiar situation comes into play. This feels familiar, you think you've been here before. Oh my, you WERE here before, just not on this side of the field.

The formations are set. Whistle is blown and the game begins. You play wholeheartedly, doing everything according to instinct, playing the game the way you think is best. And then it hits you (an innuendo not a ball). Your game play, team formations, strategies and mind games ... they are everything you deem wrong. They are everything you despise and simply inadequate by every manner. But No wonder they did this, it feels so right!

Whoa. How the hell did that happen ...

They say walk a mile in you enemies shoes before you authenticate that you're on the right side of the war. Well now I'm in their shoes (kinda small though, sakit nak berjalan). The question is, to play with guilt or walk away with pride.

Decisions decisions ... :)

Perplexed ~

On October 25th, Rhockaby is feeling : Perplexed ~

If there is anything about me that you should know, it is that I pride myself on being unique. Like many others out there, I cuztomize like mad. Sometimes to stand out of the crowd. Sometimes to catch a certain someones eye. Sometimes just cause I feel like it. Sometimes just for the sake of it. This pride would sometimes lead me to doing some pretty weird (in some cases scary) sh|t. Now if you've known me for quite sometime and have been subjected to my company, then you'll prolly know what these things are. If you don't, well you may read on and learn an extra thing or two bout me:

(Now Zack, when you re-read this in the future, you'll prolly laugh your heart out as well. So what I wan't you to do is write a new post (assuming you're still blogging) and mark those which you still do and mark off those that you don't anymore!)

(See, that was some weird sh|t right there ...)

1. I love random hello's and hi's. I will step up to a stranger on the street and say hi. Almost got me into a fight with a big bald guy once!

2. I will greet you half way through a conversation.

3. When all is silent, I will make an annoying little noise.

4. I tend to press the alarm button in the elevator.

5. Anything that is red, I will say it looks good. I will not stop saying it looks good until you agree with me.

6. If I find something funny bout you, I will imitate.

7. And trust me, I LOVE IMITATING!

8. I will repeat you're question in a tone as if it were an answer. Usually takes people a couple of seconds to comprehend and go "What!?".

9. I fiddle my fingers and make em dance.

Ehem ... that was shorter than I expected. I need to study now.

Relinquished ~

On October 9th, Rhockaby is feeling : Relinquished ~

Smokey now. Yikes, I didn't realize the athmosphere got so stuffy. When did this happen? No surprise I guess ... I didn't even realize our numbers just quadrupled, what more the air I breathed.

Dry now. I could really use a drink. But this siren's wailing is hypnotic, indulging. To some it is a high pitched shriek, stabbing the mind, fulmination after fulmination. But tell that to the sailors. Tell that to the sailors, mind's captivated by melody so enthralling that jagged rocks that would have issued a warning of death and danger to any sober man simple became clouds of a heavenly haven. And then, silence. Fortunately for me, jagged rocks are seats of comfort and though the melodic siren' melody bewitches me, I still claim sanity.

Blurry now. My sight is fading. Dark. Darker. There is so much a man would give to be able to stand in the streets in the presence of a holy rain, one of God's most precious gifts to humanity. A drop of water forms thousands of feet above the ground, begins its fall from
paradise. It sees a giant globe of blue and green and white. 'What giant being is this?' and keeps falling. It sees seperated continents.

"This being is cut! Is it bleeding?" and keeps falling. It sees high-rises of cities and poverty prone villages.

"It is burnt? Then why partially healed?" and keeps falling. It sees man of different faces. Man of different colors. Cussing, swearing, very very angry men. It seems women. Mothers. Daughters. They seems sad. Something about war, the drop of water does not understand this. It keeps falling. Fnally, the drop of water sees it target.

"My destination ..." and it keeps falling. A pair of two small palms, out streched by two small hands on two straight arms. In between lies two wide opened eyes, astonished, awaiting and staring straight up, eyes on the drop of water. It was the most beautiful thing the droplet had ever seen. Such purity, sinless innocence. The droplet notices it is not alone. Millions upon millions of other droplets are falling with it.

"Our destination ..." and they keep on falling. The upper lip of a child was the last thing the droplet remembered seeing. It heard laughter and giggling ... and wouldn't you be if you were playing in the rain? Adults try hard to seek solitude in water. Long showers? Letting the water ram you for minutes and minutes and minutes, trying desperately to wash your woe away. So
why don't we? We claim to be more knowledgeable than children, so what do children see that we don't?

Hungry now. Hungry for movement. Hungry for a chase. Hungry for total insecurity. Hungry for thrills. Hungry for uplifting moments. Hungry for long walks. Hungry for long talks. Hungry for caressing. Hungry for commitment.

aWhat does all this imply? These hungers are illusions ... everything, all my cravings can be resolved and this journey would be treaded head-on if I had your hand in mine.

Relished ~

On August 29th, Rhockaby is feeling : Relished ~

Just got this forwarded to me in the Bulletin board. It's one of those obscene jokes that you know you should dispise but in the end ... well ... you know ...

In a second grade sex education class, a little girl asks,

"Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"

The little girl says, "Forty."

The teacher says, "Yes, your mother could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"

The little girl answers, "Nineteen."

The teacher says, "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old are you?"

The little girl says, "I'm seven years old!"

The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."

The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,

"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about!!!!!"

Seriously, who comes up with this shiat?

Chapfallen ~

On August 29th, Rhockaby is feeling : Chapfallen ~

*Cough-cough* ... I was asking for it.

Last week I had a sorethroat and was coughing like mad. Not only did this disrupt my daily much needed slumber, but also my taekwondo training. Through out training I had to constantly drink water to hydrate my dry throat. People started giving me that look.

'You get tired this easily?' is probably what they would have said out loud if Tuan's warming up drills weren't occupying them enough.

Eventually, it got better. By Thursday evening training it was just a slight tingle in my throat and by friday morning it was gone. Yay!

Sunday morning was a bone shivering 15 degrees (I think ... well it felt that cold). I was meeting up the ark gang for a site surveying fieldtrip.

MISTAKE 1: NEVER EVER HAVE A SLURPEE ON A WINTER-LIKE DAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOUR ANNOYING FISH FRIEND TEMPS YOU.

Fish and I met up with Worm, Ducky and Mummy Ducky at Albert Park. Survey site was just accross the street. Didnt take us more than 30 minutes (with 30 minutes spent on an unknown sun bathing cat). A walk down St. Kilda beach brought us to an ice cream shop.

MISTAKE 2: WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW YOU JUST RECOVERED FROM A COLD, AND YOU JUST HAD A SLURPEE FOR BREAKFAST, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS KINDLY DECLINE AN ICE-CREAM OFFERING.

Unfortunately, I'm not a big fan of later consequences. I live in the moment, yeaa yeaa! So I downed that oh so nice double-gelato of pistachio and chocoyummy. We parted there cause Rhokku was starting to feel not so well.

Tram ride home was killer. My body started to heat up, I felt nausiated. Urghh ... when I reached home, conditions got so bad I had to call off the rarely celebrated house cleaning event (I can always do it this weekend). A good nights rest got my temperature down. However now I'm stuck with the same annoying coughing throat that I had last week.

*Cough-cough* Oh well ... like I said ... I was asking for it.

Pollyannaished ~

On August 22nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Pollyannaished ~

There's somthing tingling inside me. A very faint voice telling me to go with it. A sense of familiarity willing me to accept its offering.

'Everything is going to be ok, isnt it?'

2.04 AM [Log Start]

2.08 AM [I've sat here for 4 straight minutes and nothing is coming to mind. Yet I so want to type something down.]

2.09 AM [Second attemp to start re-start post]

Experience. The fact that more experience makes a person more knowledgeable has been proven countless times over. Previous experiences teaches us, prepares us for upcoming things and events. We learn to expect, we learn to prepare.

But what would you give to relive a moment when you discovered who the real mastermind villian is in an all time favorite book of yours? What would you give to feel that great sense to awe of a magical illusion you once saw but now know the trick behind it? What you you give to feel again the joy of blowing your first soap bubble? What would you give to sense the giddiness when you first held hands with you crush?

Best moments are mostly the firsts of anything. People always go 'I remember the first time I...' followed by another memorable anecdote. Its that sense of discovery, a sense of excitement, unable to predict, unable to comprehend. A smile slowly carves its way onto thy face and awe follows.

Children, little children ... they feel this everyday. Everyday a new magic trick is presented to them. Candles being lit. Magic! Glow in the dark. Magic! Coin behind your ear! Magic!

As we grow older, we grow more arrogant. When someone performs something we have not yet seen, not yet comprehend, instead of applauding we intend to guess. We want to know how this is done.

"You know what, I think it was done like this ..."

"I reckon this is the correct explanation ..."

Curiosity? No. Knowledge is a powerful thing, and powerful things have always proven to be drug-like addictive. No one sits there and lets the mystery linger anymore. No one wants to be the person who just enjoys the performance but not know the science behind it.

2.31 AM [My arguments have no basis of what so ever ... I'm sleepy ... Rhockku will sleep now ...]

2.32 AM [Log Ends]

Reluctant ~

On August 14th, Rhockaby is feeling : Reluctant ~

Every night since then. Please, no more ... I don't want it anymore. It just hurts too damn much. Please, just go away and let me be ...

Decrepited ~

On August 12th, Rhockaby is feeling : Decrepited ~

"Zack, we've discussed this before."

"I know, I know ... but wouldn't I be off better doing something that I like?"

"The reason you're not doing it is because it won't earn you as much. Think realistically. Logically."

Like so many times before, Bee was right. Again.

I smacked my wrist.

'Oh ya, I forgot ...'

I look around. Hah, these guys must get over a couple hundred customers per day, and they still can't afford a clock? I wasn't wearing my watch, kinda forgot to put it on. You know that empty feeling you get when you're so used to wearing a watch and one day you just don't wear it? Kinda gets to you after awhile. Oh well, there's always my w810i.

"Bear me for another 20 minutes, Bee"

"You kidding? I enjoy these talks with you."

The feeling is downright mutual.

Lately old thoughts have been creeping back into my mind. I found myself conflicted on doing what I know I should be doing with what I know I love doing (Go ahead, don't be ashamed. Read the sentance a second time). I'm a 20 year old second year uni student of the Royal Melbourne Institute of TechMOlogy studying Civil and Infrastructure. Why am I doing this course. Two simple facts:

• I like numbers. A lot.
• My dad want's me to become a civil engineer, get a good job, earn lots and lots of money, be able to live an easy life, afford life's earthly luxuries and be the greatest example my siblings will ever witness.

I wanted to do something else. Computer science! I love coding. Back when mIRC was 'Da Thang', people were using all sorts scripts. I developed my own. When friendster came up with CSS customization, I had the initiative to learn CSS (from scratch), customize my page and even came up with a tutorial (which I reckon is sh|t since www.editfriendster.com came out :P). I started making games at the age of 15, and even during foundation studies I forced my friends to play em! *Sigh* I would have loved to do computer science.

Whatabout arts? I love drawing and designing! Nothing feels as complacent as a finished drawing on an A3 sized sketchpad drawn with a black marker and pen. Again, my frienster page has gone through countless renovations, each time a different theme, each time designed from ground zero. Designing programs are tools of creativity. 3DMax, Photoshop, Worldcraft, Vavle's Hammer ... I design models of 3d structures, countless maps for the infamous Counterstrike, hundreds upon hundreds of edited pictures. And yet everyday I turn pages of numbers numbers numbers (well in this semester's case facts facts facts.)

People have told me, countless times, that its good I have such a balance between my IQ and EQ. It lets me have that 'edge' over others. But I'll always be lacking one thing. Like so many things it is not quantity, but quality. Is it possible to excel in ALL that? Is it possible to be among the best in all catagories? Doing so many things in such a short period of time (trust me, we humas live longer than we should), is it even feasible?

I, Zack 'Rhockaby' Sabry, would like to think so. I'll be among the best in allllllll of that. I'll try hard and even harder. I'll strive to get better even when I think I''ve already done enough. I'm getting to the peak of the mountain, and when I reach there, I'll continue flying towards the heavens. I'll do good and make myself pround. Oh, and having the edge over you will just be a consolation. ;

Frivolous ~

On August 4th, Rhockaby is feeling : Frivolous ~

(Ofcorse, by writing this here, I'm proving what a coward I am. I felt like writing poetry instead but .. um ... like ... poetry isn't really my strong point ... and ... yeah ...)

Hi there,

Yes. The pain is unbareable. I'm 15 years old again. I hate it. But what to do? Well, I could always consult myself.

People that come to me with this problem, I always give them the same answer.

"You've hit rock-bottom. Now the only place left to go is up."

So why am I not ascending? Prolly because I'm still holding on to this false truth that I want to believe so much. Every night I go back in time and relive those uplifting moments. And every night I go back in time, sittting in that blue office chair, handset tilted, holding back those fucking tears and pulling the best lie of my life.

"I'll be fine. (Smile)"

I lied.

"We'll still be friends. I promise."

I lied some more.

"It'll prolly take months."

Lol. Shameful attemp for sympathy. Or is it empathy? Erk!

Man I must have been good cause it sounded like you bought it. Or were you just playing along as I always was? Ehihi. One thing that I still can't figure out. Up until the very end, the very very end, you still couldn't be honest.

Oh well. I knew he made the call. Infact, I found out that very night. So much for true colors huh? Always telling me you would appreciate the truth more than anything else, and yet what you want you will not give. It's ok (I'm lying again), you must have had very good reasons to jeapordize our amitié. Whatever they were, didn't you think I deserved the truth more than anyone else? After all I did and endured, didn't I? *Sigh* Apparently not.

And yet ...Dispite that I still couldn't hate. Still trying to save you from a guilty conscience. (Did you ever even feel guilty? I don't know ... so much doubt now ...) Still couldn't explode. Still couldn't plummet you with hatred. Hang on. Was there any reason to? Well, there was that long period of 4 or 5 weeks that you never called. No thats not it. You were busy. Um ... Oh! The phone call you made just before my first examination! Yes, thats it! Talk about demotivating, lol!

(Wow ... if you're reading this, you prolly really hate me by now. It's ok, I dont mind. Who wouldnt.)

It's already been what... 2 or 3 weeks since we said our goodbyes? I thought I'd be doing pretty fine by now. But alas, I can fool even the closest to me but not myself. Who am I kidding, right? So I've decided to go for an extreme. (Suits me I guess, I've always prefered extreme measures.) I guess you'll actually support this, cause you know ... you never were keen on letting people close to you know about me. What would they say!

So I'll do us a favor (well actually I'm just doing this for myself) and dissolve everything there was about us. No pictures. No memories. No nothing. Exactly! Now no one will ever know, right? Big favor there, you owe me one!

I still won't go back on the one thing I've always meant; I have no regrets. Neither of us wished for what happened to happen, but thats not what matters. What matters is how we actually dealed with it, and honestly, you really disappointed me. :( All those times talking to you about how precious our amitié was to us ... good Lord, who would believe ... I don't wish things tuned out differently, cause then I would have never seen that shocking and unforseen part of you.

Maybe one day we'll be friends again. Maybe one day we'll look back on this and laugh our asses off. Well I might, anyways. But for now, I bid you farewell. It was fun while it lasted, really! Have a good life and make it big ya. Taa ~

Yours sarcastically.