Perplexed ~

On October 25th, Rhockaby is feeling : Perplexed ~

If there is anything about me that you should know, it is that I pride myself on being unique. Like many others out there, I cuztomize like mad. Sometimes to stand out of the crowd. Sometimes to catch a certain someones eye. Sometimes just cause I feel like it. Sometimes just for the sake of it. This pride would sometimes lead me to doing some pretty weird (in some cases scary) sh|t. Now if you've known me for quite sometime and have been subjected to my company, then you'll prolly know what these things are. If you don't, well you may read on and learn an extra thing or two bout me:

(Now Zack, when you re-read this in the future, you'll prolly laugh your heart out as well. So what I wan't you to do is write a new post (assuming you're still blogging) and mark those which you still do and mark off those that you don't anymore!)

(See, that was some weird sh|t right there ...)

1. I love random hello's and hi's. I will step up to a stranger on the street and say hi. Almost got me into a fight with a big bald guy once!

2. I will greet you half way through a conversation.

3. When all is silent, I will make an annoying little noise.

4. I tend to press the alarm button in the elevator.

5. Anything that is red, I will say it looks good. I will not stop saying it looks good until you agree with me.

6. If I find something funny bout you, I will imitate.

7. And trust me, I LOVE IMITATING!

8. I will repeat you're question in a tone as if it were an answer. Usually takes people a couple of seconds to comprehend and go "What!?".

9. I fiddle my fingers and make em dance.

Ehem ... that was shorter than I expected. I need to study now.

Relinquished ~

On October 9th, Rhockaby is feeling : Relinquished ~

Smokey now. Yikes, I didn't realize the athmosphere got so stuffy. When did this happen? No surprise I guess ... I didn't even realize our numbers just quadrupled, what more the air I breathed.

Dry now. I could really use a drink. But this siren's wailing is hypnotic, indulging. To some it is a high pitched shriek, stabbing the mind, fulmination after fulmination. But tell that to the sailors. Tell that to the sailors, mind's captivated by melody so enthralling that jagged rocks that would have issued a warning of death and danger to any sober man simple became clouds of a heavenly haven. And then, silence. Fortunately for me, jagged rocks are seats of comfort and though the melodic siren' melody bewitches me, I still claim sanity.

Blurry now. My sight is fading. Dark. Darker. There is so much a man would give to be able to stand in the streets in the presence of a holy rain, one of God's most precious gifts to humanity. A drop of water forms thousands of feet above the ground, begins its fall from
paradise. It sees a giant globe of blue and green and white. 'What giant being is this?' and keeps falling. It sees seperated continents.

"This being is cut! Is it bleeding?" and keeps falling. It sees high-rises of cities and poverty prone villages.

"It is burnt? Then why partially healed?" and keeps falling. It sees man of different faces. Man of different colors. Cussing, swearing, very very angry men. It seems women. Mothers. Daughters. They seems sad. Something about war, the drop of water does not understand this. It keeps falling. Fnally, the drop of water sees it target.

"My destination ..." and it keeps falling. A pair of two small palms, out streched by two small hands on two straight arms. In between lies two wide opened eyes, astonished, awaiting and staring straight up, eyes on the drop of water. It was the most beautiful thing the droplet had ever seen. Such purity, sinless innocence. The droplet notices it is not alone. Millions upon millions of other droplets are falling with it.

"Our destination ..." and they keep on falling. The upper lip of a child was the last thing the droplet remembered seeing. It heard laughter and giggling ... and wouldn't you be if you were playing in the rain? Adults try hard to seek solitude in water. Long showers? Letting the water ram you for minutes and minutes and minutes, trying desperately to wash your woe away. So
why don't we? We claim to be more knowledgeable than children, so what do children see that we don't?

Hungry now. Hungry for movement. Hungry for a chase. Hungry for total insecurity. Hungry for thrills. Hungry for uplifting moments. Hungry for long walks. Hungry for long talks. Hungry for caressing. Hungry for commitment.

aWhat does all this imply? These hungers are illusions ... everything, all my cravings can be resolved and this journey would be treaded head-on if I had your hand in mine.

Relished ~

On August 29th, Rhockaby is feeling : Relished ~

Just got this forwarded to me in the Bulletin board. It's one of those obscene jokes that you know you should dispise but in the end ... well ... you know ...

In a second grade sex education class, a little girl asks,

"Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"

The little girl says, "Forty."

The teacher says, "Yes, your mother could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"

The little girl answers, "Nineteen."

The teacher says, "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old are you?"

The little girl says, "I'm seven years old!"

The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."

The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,

"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about!!!!!"

Seriously, who comes up with this shiat?

Chapfallen ~

On August 29th, Rhockaby is feeling : Chapfallen ~

*Cough-cough* ... I was asking for it.

Last week I had a sorethroat and was coughing like mad. Not only did this disrupt my daily much needed slumber, but also my taekwondo training. Through out training I had to constantly drink water to hydrate my dry throat. People started giving me that look.

'You get tired this easily?' is probably what they would have said out loud if Tuan's warming up drills weren't occupying them enough.

Eventually, it got better. By Thursday evening training it was just a slight tingle in my throat and by friday morning it was gone. Yay!

Sunday morning was a bone shivering 15 degrees (I think ... well it felt that cold). I was meeting up the ark gang for a site surveying fieldtrip.

MISTAKE 1: NEVER EVER HAVE A SLURPEE ON A WINTER-LIKE DAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOUR ANNOYING FISH FRIEND TEMPS YOU.

Fish and I met up with Worm, Ducky and Mummy Ducky at Albert Park. Survey site was just accross the street. Didnt take us more than 30 minutes (with 30 minutes spent on an unknown sun bathing cat). A walk down St. Kilda beach brought us to an ice cream shop.

MISTAKE 2: WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW YOU JUST RECOVERED FROM A COLD, AND YOU JUST HAD A SLURPEE FOR BREAKFAST, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS KINDLY DECLINE AN ICE-CREAM OFFERING.

Unfortunately, I'm not a big fan of later consequences. I live in the moment, yeaa yeaa! So I downed that oh so nice double-gelato of pistachio and chocoyummy. We parted there cause Rhokku was starting to feel not so well.

Tram ride home was killer. My body started to heat up, I felt nausiated. Urghh ... when I reached home, conditions got so bad I had to call off the rarely celebrated house cleaning event (I can always do it this weekend). A good nights rest got my temperature down. However now I'm stuck with the same annoying coughing throat that I had last week.

*Cough-cough* Oh well ... like I said ... I was asking for it.

Pollyannaished ~

On August 22nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Pollyannaished ~

There's somthing tingling inside me. A very faint voice telling me to go with it. A sense of familiarity willing me to accept its offering.

'Everything is going to be ok, isnt it?'

2.04 AM [Log Start]

2.08 AM [I've sat here for 4 straight minutes and nothing is coming to mind. Yet I so want to type something down.]

2.09 AM [Second attemp to start re-start post]

Experience. The fact that more experience makes a person more knowledgeable has been proven countless times over. Previous experiences teaches us, prepares us for upcoming things and events. We learn to expect, we learn to prepare.

But what would you give to relive a moment when you discovered who the real mastermind villian is in an all time favorite book of yours? What would you give to feel that great sense to awe of a magical illusion you once saw but now know the trick behind it? What you you give to feel again the joy of blowing your first soap bubble? What would you give to sense the giddiness when you first held hands with you crush?

Best moments are mostly the firsts of anything. People always go 'I remember the first time I...' followed by another memorable anecdote. Its that sense of discovery, a sense of excitement, unable to predict, unable to comprehend. A smile slowly carves its way onto thy face and awe follows.

Children, little children ... they feel this everyday. Everyday a new magic trick is presented to them. Candles being lit. Magic! Glow in the dark. Magic! Coin behind your ear! Magic!

As we grow older, we grow more arrogant. When someone performs something we have not yet seen, not yet comprehend, instead of applauding we intend to guess. We want to know how this is done.

"You know what, I think it was done like this ..."

"I reckon this is the correct explanation ..."

Curiosity? No. Knowledge is a powerful thing, and powerful things have always proven to be drug-like addictive. No one sits there and lets the mystery linger anymore. No one wants to be the person who just enjoys the performance but not know the science behind it.

2.31 AM [My arguments have no basis of what so ever ... I'm sleepy ... Rhockku will sleep now ...]

2.32 AM [Log Ends]

Reluctant ~

On August 14th, Rhockaby is feeling : Reluctant ~

Every night since then. Please, no more ... I don't want it anymore. It just hurts too damn much. Please, just go away and let me be ...

Decrepited ~

On August 12th, Rhockaby is feeling : Decrepited ~

"Zack, we've discussed this before."

"I know, I know ... but wouldn't I be off better doing something that I like?"

"The reason you're not doing it is because it won't earn you as much. Think realistically. Logically."

Like so many times before, Bee was right. Again.

I smacked my wrist.

'Oh ya, I forgot ...'

I look around. Hah, these guys must get over a couple hundred customers per day, and they still can't afford a clock? I wasn't wearing my watch, kinda forgot to put it on. You know that empty feeling you get when you're so used to wearing a watch and one day you just don't wear it? Kinda gets to you after awhile. Oh well, there's always my w810i.

"Bear me for another 20 minutes, Bee"

"You kidding? I enjoy these talks with you."

The feeling is downright mutual.

Lately old thoughts have been creeping back into my mind. I found myself conflicted on doing what I know I should be doing with what I know I love doing (Go ahead, don't be ashamed. Read the sentance a second time). I'm a 20 year old second year uni student of the Royal Melbourne Institute of TechMOlogy studying Civil and Infrastructure. Why am I doing this course. Two simple facts:

• I like numbers. A lot.
• My dad want's me to become a civil engineer, get a good job, earn lots and lots of money, be able to live an easy life, afford life's earthly luxuries and be the greatest example my siblings will ever witness.

I wanted to do something else. Computer science! I love coding. Back when mIRC was 'Da Thang', people were using all sorts scripts. I developed my own. When friendster came up with CSS customization, I had the initiative to learn CSS (from scratch), customize my page and even came up with a tutorial (which I reckon is sh|t since www.editfriendster.com came out :P). I started making games at the age of 15, and even during foundation studies I forced my friends to play em! *Sigh* I would have loved to do computer science.

Whatabout arts? I love drawing and designing! Nothing feels as complacent as a finished drawing on an A3 sized sketchpad drawn with a black marker and pen. Again, my frienster page has gone through countless renovations, each time a different theme, each time designed from ground zero. Designing programs are tools of creativity. 3DMax, Photoshop, Worldcraft, Vavle's Hammer ... I design models of 3d structures, countless maps for the infamous Counterstrike, hundreds upon hundreds of edited pictures. And yet everyday I turn pages of numbers numbers numbers (well in this semester's case facts facts facts.)

People have told me, countless times, that its good I have such a balance between my IQ and EQ. It lets me have that 'edge' over others. But I'll always be lacking one thing. Like so many things it is not quantity, but quality. Is it possible to excel in ALL that? Is it possible to be among the best in all catagories? Doing so many things in such a short period of time (trust me, we humas live longer than we should), is it even feasible?

I, Zack 'Rhockaby' Sabry, would like to think so. I'll be among the best in allllllll of that. I'll try hard and even harder. I'll strive to get better even when I think I''ve already done enough. I'm getting to the peak of the mountain, and when I reach there, I'll continue flying towards the heavens. I'll do good and make myself pround. Oh, and having the edge over you will just be a consolation. ;