Audacious ~

On November 24th, Rhockaby is feeling : Audacious~

By the time I finish this, a call would have been made and a promise would have been kept. Go on, wonder what I'm talking about.

"A confidant, hyped up and optimistic person" is how I describe myself best. I don't think I'm a confidant person, I know I am (see, thats confidence right there).

Some people lead life mediocrely. They don't jump to every opportunity, make best of every moment and don't take enough risks. But why should they? If people live a perfectly normal life, why fix something that isn't broken?

Because for some people, they're comfortable living a normal life. Routine after routine, day after day, living life as served to them. Me? I take the fight to the world. Routines are meant to be guidelines, not lifestyles. Risks are meant to be taken, not thoroughly analyzed.

People say modern day adventures don't exist. I say get off you Yahoo Messenger and You-Tube, stop the excessive shopping, get in line at a cafe and make small talk with the cashier while putting in your order. Learn the names of the waiters that serve you in your favorite restaurants, talk and be friend them. Learn to hold the door for the person behind you when entering or exiting, learn to say 'Hi!' before placing an order at a local fast food outlet. Small things, things that people neglect for fear of public reaction. Whats wrong with being friendly and out going? Whats wrong in being confidant and loving to speak up? Exactly, absolutely NOTHING.

Its called 'A leap of faith' for a reason. Despite the lack of empirical evidence to support your cause, confidence is all that you have when you take that step and soar. There is no guarantee that you'll reach the other side. There's always a risk of falling. There's always a chance of not making it. Who's to say the cashier will want to engage in small talk after you approach em. Who's to say that business op that you've undertaken will bloom you with riches. Who's to say Who's to say Who's to say ~

Think too much of the future and you'll be stuck in the present for ever. Learn to have faith in what you want and what you believe in. Most times rational is the way to go, other times its your gut and instincts that you should listen too. Or in other terms; what you heart tells you. I'm not saying that you should make choices solely based on cravings, sometimes the human mind can be so blinded by obsession that they'll do some ridiculous things! Find a balance, know when to take risks, know when to be confidant, know when to speak up and speak your mind. Take that leap of faith cause I assure you when you do land on the other side, it'll be all worth it.

A word of warning. With a great boost in confidence, your crashes in life become more devastating. You will suffer more than others, no BS. But you'll fall down, and you'll get up. And you'll fall again, and you'll get up again. And each time you get up you get stronger. You learn how to cope, you learn how to lean on others for support, you learn how to recover to a point that you surprise even yourself. Then life really begins, when you are not afraid to enjoy the best things in life without worrying too much bout what the outcome may be. The good things in life, the finer things in life, the way life should be lived, to the fullest!

Live life to the max. You'll live longer if you do :)

Dubious ~

On September 10th, Rhockaby is feeling : Dubious~

The older you get, they more you realize how good you had it a year ago. So many things come to mind, wishful wonders of what could and would have been if 'I did that' or 'I tried it out' or 'I went for it!'.

If I'd paid more attention, I would have realized that I was getting the same response from everyone. In most, if not all cases, I would get the answer:

'We're still young, Zack. We have plenty of time'
'What are you so worried about? There's always next year!'
'Ilek-ilek lah, mun ada rezeki jadilah nya'

I myself am guilty of uttering these words. And so I delayed. And I postponed. To egoistic to pick up and phone and to lazy to plan out my holiday. Thinking there is always another tomorrow to do another thing on my endless To-Do list that just keeps accumulating with age.
Is there really a tomorrow? YES. Should I wait till tomorrow to do stuff? YES. Why? Because today I'll be doing what I planned to do yesterday. TO LIVE. I'll dance while I can, meet new people while I can, chillax and lepak while I can, and truly truly absolutely-lutely have fun while doing so.

I was walking home this morning. The skies were blue and there was a soft breeze blowing. It's a beautiful day. Subahanallah, indahnya ciptaan Allah. How shall I make full use of this day? I am now in an outdoor food court, with a venti Caramel Mocha, wireless connection and a few ruffled notes from my lectures, doing my Wastewater assignment research. The breeze is amazing, the people are amazing, the atmosphere is amazing. I am alive, and I am enjoying life.

And you should, BY ALL MEANS, do so too. Allah bless you ;)

Jubilant ~

On June 30th, Rhockaby is feeling : Jubilant~

Despite what the blog time might say, I am typing this at 7.04AM (GMT+8.00 Malay Peninsular Standard Time).

Well, I really don't FEEL any different. Should I? Ngahahahaha ... here's a list I compiled 30 days prior to this special day of mine.

[30221] - Ada someone merajuk cause couldn't figure out what 30221 means ~
[29221] - Watched Pirates of the Caribbean!
[28221] - Got breakdancing pictures from Zammay! Whoot!
[27221] - Called home. Told mom plans for my new room.
[26221] - Had an exam feast! Roast roast and more roast ~
[25221] - Moved flat boxes under my matress ... actually DOES make a difference :P
[24221] - Had a nice chat with an old pal. Oh, and I aced the CIVE1143 exam!
[23221] - Homesick ... really bad case of it too.
[22221] - I did my soul good :)
[21221] - She loves me, she loves me not ... she loves me!
[20221] - Got the Soul Higher DVD! Sweet!
[19221] - Scammed a guy on Maple .... hahaha ~
[18221] - Fell in love with Leeloo. MOOLTIPASS!
[17221] - Boyination 5 trailer out!
[16221] - Done with exams, so bye-bye Jhune!
[15221] - Danced with Lamaroc! For the first time in 3 years!
[14221] - Stayed up all night playing Maple Story ... must ... get ... rich ... must ...!
[13221] - Created Rhockumaru ... *in tears* ... its amazing .....
[12221] - Found out I own a $200 beanie that I never got to wear. *looks up* Now thats just means X(
[11221] - (L)
[10221] - Early birthday celebration! Thanks everyone! XD
[09221] - Got me a Maplestory maple bandana! FINALLY!
[08221] - Hello Goldcoast! Whoooooootttttttttt!
[07221] - Outdoor Jacuzzi at Wet and Wild. Oh yeaa ~
[06221] - Accelerated at 4Gs on the Superman Escape. *_*
[05221] - Discovered popcorn with 'Cheese & Cheese' flavour. Did you get that? CHEESE & CHEESE!!!
[04221] - She misses me ~ ;)
[03221] - Walked the lively streets of Brizzy!
[02221] - Watched Transformers 2007 ... I'm a little boy again ~
[01221] - Finished my 30221 list :)

Thanks to all who remembered and wished. Don't worry bout not getting me prezzies, I claim them in bulk!

And just in case you wanted to get me a present for my 22nd birthday, here are a couple of things that I might want:

1. A girlfriend (For more specifications PM me)
   
2. Sony Ericsson 880i
   
3. Sony Ericsson MPS-60 (Portable speakers to go with my new phone)
   
4. Playstation 3
   
5. Tekken 7 bundled with my Playstation 3
   
6. A desktop
   
7. HDD Videocam
   
8. A box full of love and laughter (hahahahhahahaa ~)
   
9. Maplestory credit (100k of A-Cash would be nice)
   
10. Yet another RED hoodie
    
11. A Mini Cooper S
    
12. A yearly tram ticket would be nice
    
13. A digital camera
    
14. A cap! A nice red and white baseball cap!
    
15. Shades, nice sporty shades
    
16. A well defined haircut. Propose and I might just do it
    
17. B-boying gloves. Nice black ones please
    
18. Nike Ace 86 shoes
    
19. A pony
    
20. An endless flight pass to Kuching, free for use anytime I wish :)

Melancholy ~

On May 26th, Rhockaby is feeling : Melancholy ~

This week I had a paper titled 'Transformation - The Process of Change'. It was due Friday and I was kinda behind schedule (yup ... yup ... what else is new) but I managed. It was an art based paper for my flash course, so no, none of my other course-mates had to do it cause none of them are doing the subject.

Now though I managed to bullcrap my way through the paper (having no idea on what I was writing), it did actually get me thinking bout changes that we experience day to day, particularly those that affect us significantly.

Moods, health, relationships, perception, insights, friendship, trust ... nothing stays the same. Most of the time changes happen abruptly and seem to make the world a much better place to be in! These make us wake up looking forward to the day, help us walk down streets with a song in our heads and smile stretched across our faces. And then come the unexpected changes, those that take us by surprise. They leave us tainted, corrupt, empty and shocked. And thats just the entrée.

We're all familiar with the feeling. Hopelessly lost, neglectful of reality, going 'why why why' and feeling so alone .... we've all been there. Friends change into foes. Smiles change into frowns. Encouragement changes into curses. Trust changes into betrayal and honesty into lies lies lies. Change change change. You fall down and hit rhockbottom (yes, pun intended ;P).

I've always believed that staying down is a choice, one that has may factors, where will alone will simply not do. People want nothing more than to feel better, feel happy. But sometimes 'wanting' is not enough. They need support, encouragement and most of all COMFORT.

*Note* When a friend comes to you with a problem, don't rush to tell them how to get over it. Listen and comfort. Let them repeat themselves. If they wanted to know how to overcome things they're better of reading a book. Books don't listen. Books don't comfort. Listen and comfort. Remember that for the rest of your lives :) ~

Like I said, many many factors to the road of recovery. When they have the support they need and the will to go on, then they'll be able to make the choice; stay down or get up. And don't laugh when people want to stay down, some need more recovery time than others. If they choose to stay down, let them to a certain extent (cause lets face it, no one really likes a cry baby). Be there for them. That way when they're finally up on their feet and back on treading the world, you'll know you've done a helluva good job (even though they usually don't realize it, but who cares ~) and have something to be proud of. Change complete!

Change is inevitable. Bad change is as likely as good change, and the bad hits hardest when less expected. Read that again. HARDEST WHEN LESS EXPECTED. You could be forever cautious of your surroundings and a little paranoid and expect everything that there is to be expected. That way you'll be hurt free and will most likely never shed another tear or throw another fist.

But hey, where's the fun in living like that? ;)

Delectable ~

On May 15th, Rhockaby is feeling : Delectable ~

Honestly, it really is hard for me to come up with a five person dance routine to a very fast paced rock song. Really. So why do I do it? Well, theres the challenge of it (challenge being trying to combine two very different types of art in an attempt to show that all of art can actually be linked together in sync and harmony) and there's the force of habit.

As a child, I lacked toys (well no, not really. I actually had all the toys I wanted. I even consider myself quite spoiled sometimes ... anyway ...). To make up for this lack of playing things, I'd turn every other household item into one. Trying my best not to sound so stuck up, I can see me back then, sitting by myself and playing with random things, making sound effects and reciting dialogs ... and boy was I cute. The lid of a pen was a super-cool motorcycle of the future, my dad's watch was a sea monster that could onnect to other sea monsters (really, you can connect a couple of watches together, you get a really cool chain) and my scissor was a headless man with sharp legs and round arms.

But the best toy that I have ever had (EVER HAD) has to be my fingers. I remember sitting on the school bench waiting for the van to pick me up, I'd rehearse fights between my left hand and my right hand. Sometimes I'd let my left hand win, only cause mom said that I had to be fair to everyone even though they were sometimes bad (mom didn't know that it was my left hand that broke her vase, betcha she would have thought differently of it if she knew, ngeh ngeh).

When they weren't fighting, they were dancing. Sometimes they were people, sometimes they'd be on all fours and had an index finger as a head. Then they'd be something I refer to as 'it', a creature that walks on all four (fingers) and is able to roll up into an indestructible ball (my fist) when they sense danger. But mostly people.

So, if you see me just sitting back in my chair at home, in Starbucks or even a lecture hall; eyes staring blankly, earphones on with music full blast and have no acknowledgment of the outside world what so ever... look at my fingers. If they're jiggling about, making weird circles and moving in perfect sync, you're looking at a five man dancing routine in the making.Somethings never change. Then again, why would you want them to?

Ambiguous ~

On May 5th, Rhockaby is feeling : Ambiguous ~

I have a stupid habit.

See, my study table is a foot from my bed (or queen-sized sleeping mattress placed nicely on the floor so I don't need to buy a bed).

Everytime I finish using my phone, be it a call or messaging, I love to throw the phone onto the bed so that it lands nicely between my two pillows. The scene of something precious flailing helplessly in the air as if just waiting an eternity to crash into a million little fibers, when its fall is cushioned by the accepting softness of the great divide between my two pillows, and lands safely, unharmed ... it is this scene that brings an unknown warmth to my heart.

The only drawback is that everytime a message comes through, I need to get up, bend over, move the pillows, grab the phone, sit back down, see what someone wants with me, return the call or sms ... and after I'm done I instantly spot that oh so familiar spot on my bed and toss my phone ...

Up ... up ... up ... peak moment ... down ... down ... down ... *soft thud*

All that unconsciously. 10 seconds later another message will come in. Repeat routine.

I have a stupid habit. And no one can help me. Pfft!

Debilitated ~

On April 11th, Rhockaby is feeling : Debilitated ~

Happy Birthday Abuyah!

The need to preoccupy myself with distractions is wearing thin. A good sign that the healing process had completed, longer than I expected though. Either that or I'm getting bored with my daily routine. Anyways ... I don't really feel the urge to do things anymore.

A tournament is coming up and I haven't been training as hard as I should be. It's not so much of being lazy, its not having the heart to do so. No grasp on purpose.

I haven't been dancing much either. The crowd is always there, the dancers are always there, a fixed location within 5 minutes of walking time. No time? Oh please, if you really wanted to do something you would make time, regardless of your schedule. No excuses now eh?

(Oh cool, Champion League Man U (7) - Rome (1))

Instead, I find myself actually wanting to go to the library and study. I find myself going through notes rather than sketching. I find myself going swimming every time I have the urge to watch Family Guy. I find myself wearing red ... less. I have not bought a single new red garment in the past six months. I find myself growing my hair instead of keeping it short like I always do. I find myself pondering bout things to come rather than concentrating on things at hand. I cook my meals now more often than ever. I find myself listening more than talking. I find myself helping others, yet not being able to solve my own mysteries.

I'd hate to think people misinterpret this post as a cheap fishing attempt for a barrage of sympathy and concern related messages. It's not. It is a tender to those who can provide insight. A stranger's perception is usually unbiased though rarely authentic, but I'd like to know anyway.

Times are changing but it doesn't mean you should too. But what if you did it unwillingly, subconsciously? Does heart, desire and will give in to this primordial and fundamental instinct?

Or like I said, either that or I'm getting bored with my daily routine and should get an inamorata ASAP ... :)

"You taste like honey, honey, tell me can I be your honey?"