res·ur·rect

- verb (used with object) to raise from the dead; bring to life again

The most disturbingly provocative quote that you have ever heard may be

"Who are you trying to convince? Me, or yourself?"

This was said by Brian's psychiatrist when Brian came in for a consult on what he should be doing with his life. Leave it to the creators of Family Guy to teach us all a lesson :D

Too many people decide to put on a facade rather than dealing with reality. Too many people think that by moving on as something never happened will actually help them move on. Too many people think that telling themselves they'll be okay, they are strong, they don't need it, will bounce them back into life in a jiffy. Denial at its best.

(And in your case, your break-up a few months back)

People need to come to terms with themselves. For once in your lives, leave you ego beside the warm crackling fireplace and run out into the storm. Leave those comforting quotes and blanket of idioms and self motivation and just stumble. Stop trying to control everything and just. Let. Go.

People hold back their tears just to prove they are strong. Who are you trying to convince.

People say what they had was stupid, useless, not worth crying over. Who are you trying to convince.

People put on a smile, laugh unruly, and act joyfully unscathed. Who are you trying to convince.

Who ARE you trying to convince? Because no one is buying it.

Because no matter how insignificant you think it was, it wasn't. It was special, it was euphoric. You were docile, you were a slave to it. It was the greatest moment of your life and it was going to go on forever. But it didn't, and that is something that you have to come to accept. That all that have could have and would have will never be. And when your greatest expectations and rushed down in a blazing inferno, what would be the humane thing to do?

"Go on, Cornelius, you can cry..." Bob, Fight Club

If Tuesday's With Morrie has taught you anything, it was how to accept defeat. How to accept loss. How to accept pain, and deal with it. Cry your heart out, get lost in oblivion, be the center of which the world revolves around and blame it for not making sense. Feel the loss, for loss only shows that you had something significant before. At times when it hurts most, let it hurt. Let it overwhelm you.

This, is what we would like to call, a dark moment.

(And I quote a confidant of yours,

"There are sometimes where I am totally okay without him, but then there are times when I feel like how can I live without him")

You have your dark moments, more often than you would like to. You do miss her so much, and from time to time the pain is ridiculously unbearable. But you let it overwhelm you, and you give in to it. Sometimes your mornings are sad, sometimes your nights are sad. But in turn, the day is always well lived :)

A dark moment is just that; a moment. Give into it at that time, and that's that. By accepting what is and what was, you can then proceed to truly letting go, giving yourself a chance to resurrect.

Rapt ~

On June 22nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Rapt ~

And as the night goes on, students will burn the midnight oil (the royals as well as those fast-tracking somewhere up there) as tomorrow hosts a series or exams for future engineers and accountants.

Words are a very powerful medium. Tis true the old phrase that goes 'the pen is mightier than the sword' though 12 years ago I would have thought this was some mighty pen that knights of the old age used to beat up their enemies if they dropped their swords or something...

*beat beat beat* take that yee petty thief! Thou shall feel the wrath of thy might pen! Doth thou desire it? DOTH THOUUUUU!??!?!??!?!?!??

...and then used it to sign petitions or contracts or stuff.

With words come influence, and this is where the might of words come into play. A whole nation can be swayed into thinking a war is theirs to fight, individuals persuaded to side on an illusion, and so on. While no major war has broken out due to a clash of friends (wait, how did the Boston Tea Party start again?), words should not be taken lightly even at such conventional levels.

Choose your words wisely before you speak. Some may brush off yet most stab and stay, and to stab and stay in the heart of those you cherish might not be the most preferable thing to do.

And remember, it does work both ways. As such a pain is inflicted, remedy with an apology, sincere and truthful (with a pinch of remorse and you're good to go). Nothing beats putting your ego aside and mend. Mend mend mend.

Now off to more important things.

Rejuvenated ~

On June 2nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Rejuvenated ~

Tis that time again when all skies turn grey and winds blast your face with ice cold stabs of imaginary ice beams. Winter is much colder this time around. Waking up, or shall I say staying up after 6.00am is out of the question. You wake up expecting the sunshine bouncing off the Commonwealth building into your room only to be greeted by layers and layers of fog. Not a way to start your day, but everyone has to get out none the less.

Day are getting shorter, as are nights. No, I didn't mean it literally. With the increasing work load and exam around the corner, everyone is under stress. Not much space to breath if you're pushing your thesis a few months early, trust me. But all for a good reason. Fortunate for me, my stress relievers are well provided and all around available.

Guitar hero, nandos, talking bS on the phone, laa dii daa... what would I do without the ark gang!

All but a small consolation from the compressive nature of June. Hectic hectic hectic, busy busy busy. Recently I've learned that given the nature of the atmosphere, I have derailed myself from my multi-tasking nature and focus solely (SOLELY) on what is most important to me. No, I am not a workaholic but hey, there's always a first time for everything. Putting all you hold significant on hold isn't easy, but you get by.

And now, back to BUSM2342.

Atingle ~

On May 4th, Rhockaby is feeling : Atingle ~

Here's something from my 100 reasons why I love you :)

"...
90. The way you say 'I love you' after a big fight
89. Just the way you say 'I love you'
88. The way you wait for me while I dance
87. The way you edit my pics
86. The way you change tunes on your ipod in my swift
86. (Well... make that Dedek's Swift)
85. The way you choose somewhere new to go for lunch
84. Though it usually ends up someplace we've already been
83. The way you secretly log-on into my accounts
82. The way you just absolutely love surprises
81. The way you just absolutely love to ruin them as well
..."

So sayang, would you like to see the whole thing?

in·dig·nant

–adjective feeling, characterized by, or expressing strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, insulting, or base: indignant remarks; an indignant expression on his face.

How often do we consider ourselves the problem, as opposed to putting the blame on others. How often do we point at ourselves first rather than pointing towards others. How often do I consider myself the cause of an issue, as opposed to thinking why everyone is so pissed off at me.

Rarely.

(If you're reading this then I am very well aware that you have stumbled across my entries by mistake, either a random typo or accidental click. I have no intentions of sharing my thoughts with others, that happens in my real life. Rather, I would like to re-express my concerns, and to whom else but myself. So if you do insist on reading be prepared for unexplained events and confusing phrases.)

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" and all hell broke loose when I offended Bella, yet again. As angry as I wish to be, I am more disappointed in myself. I justify my acts as accordingly, but its seems like anything I do is without concern for her well being, or feelings, or emotions. Did I really ignore all the important entities while I was doing what was? She seems to think so.

5 months into forever and we're finally seeing the clashes that we were too ignorant to see a year ago. Though with my past experience I'd expect myself to be well prepared, I'm not. Because though the same basic rules apply for all games: PLAY FAIR, SHOW SPORTSMANSHIP, NO CHEATING, it is a totally different ball game. In the beginning I honestly had trouble adjusting. My previous relationship was totally out-spoken, full of thresholds and clear limitations. With Bella, it was more traditional, figuring what will and will not work, a change of mindset totally. And for the record I have never preferred one relationship over the other, it is always about giving you all, 100%, when you start something you go through with it.

5 months into forever and I still adore her, if not more. Despite the problems that have occurred, most of them have probably been triggered by my need to adjust. So I am angry, and I am pissed. At myself for not being able to comprehend things at most times.

And what better way to reflect on your problems than express! Unfortunately for me, I have a sprained ankle, a week long headache, a township to design, a catering and delivery proposal to finish, a structure to price assess and tunnel to manage. So hello blog.

Life is a one way road. The moment you regret something you'll wish you can go back to change it. Make full use of what has happened zx, learn from these experiences. And for God's sake try not to be so nice to everyone, you seriously piss me off later on.