Delectable ~

On May 15th, Rhockaby is feeling : Delectable ~

Honestly, it really is hard for me to come up with a five person dance routine to a very fast paced rock song. Really. So why do I do it? Well, theres the challenge of it (challenge being trying to combine two very different types of art in an attempt to show that all of art can actually be linked together in sync and harmony) and there's the force of habit.

As a child, I lacked toys (well no, not really. I actually had all the toys I wanted. I even consider myself quite spoiled sometimes ... anyway ...). To make up for this lack of playing things, I'd turn every other household item into one. Trying my best not to sound so stuck up, I can see me back then, sitting by myself and playing with random things, making sound effects and reciting dialogs ... and boy was I cute. The lid of a pen was a super-cool motorcycle of the future, my dad's watch was a sea monster that could onnect to other sea monsters (really, you can connect a couple of watches together, you get a really cool chain) and my scissor was a headless man with sharp legs and round arms.

But the best toy that I have ever had (EVER HAD) has to be my fingers. I remember sitting on the school bench waiting for the van to pick me up, I'd rehearse fights between my left hand and my right hand. Sometimes I'd let my left hand win, only cause mom said that I had to be fair to everyone even though they were sometimes bad (mom didn't know that it was my left hand that broke her vase, betcha she would have thought differently of it if she knew, ngeh ngeh).

When they weren't fighting, they were dancing. Sometimes they were people, sometimes they'd be on all fours and had an index finger as a head. Then they'd be something I refer to as 'it', a creature that walks on all four (fingers) and is able to roll up into an indestructible ball (my fist) when they sense danger. But mostly people.

So, if you see me just sitting back in my chair at home, in Starbucks or even a lecture hall; eyes staring blankly, earphones on with music full blast and have no acknowledgment of the outside world what so ever... look at my fingers. If they're jiggling about, making weird circles and moving in perfect sync, you're looking at a five man dancing routine in the making.Somethings never change. Then again, why would you want them to?

Ambiguous ~

On May 5th, Rhockaby is feeling : Ambiguous ~

I have a stupid habit.

See, my study table is a foot from my bed (or queen-sized sleeping mattress placed nicely on the floor so I don't need to buy a bed).

Everytime I finish using my phone, be it a call or messaging, I love to throw the phone onto the bed so that it lands nicely between my two pillows. The scene of something precious flailing helplessly in the air as if just waiting an eternity to crash into a million little fibers, when its fall is cushioned by the accepting softness of the great divide between my two pillows, and lands safely, unharmed ... it is this scene that brings an unknown warmth to my heart.

The only drawback is that everytime a message comes through, I need to get up, bend over, move the pillows, grab the phone, sit back down, see what someone wants with me, return the call or sms ... and after I'm done I instantly spot that oh so familiar spot on my bed and toss my phone ...

Up ... up ... up ... peak moment ... down ... down ... down ... *soft thud*

All that unconsciously. 10 seconds later another message will come in. Repeat routine.

I have a stupid habit. And no one can help me. Pfft!

Debilitated ~

On April 11th, Rhockaby is feeling : Debilitated ~

Happy Birthday Abuyah!

The need to preoccupy myself with distractions is wearing thin. A good sign that the healing process had completed, longer than I expected though. Either that or I'm getting bored with my daily routine. Anyways ... I don't really feel the urge to do things anymore.

A tournament is coming up and I haven't been training as hard as I should be. It's not so much of being lazy, its not having the heart to do so. No grasp on purpose.

I haven't been dancing much either. The crowd is always there, the dancers are always there, a fixed location within 5 minutes of walking time. No time? Oh please, if you really wanted to do something you would make time, regardless of your schedule. No excuses now eh?

(Oh cool, Champion League Man U (7) - Rome (1))

Instead, I find myself actually wanting to go to the library and study. I find myself going through notes rather than sketching. I find myself going swimming every time I have the urge to watch Family Guy. I find myself wearing red ... less. I have not bought a single new red garment in the past six months. I find myself growing my hair instead of keeping it short like I always do. I find myself pondering bout things to come rather than concentrating on things at hand. I cook my meals now more often than ever. I find myself listening more than talking. I find myself helping others, yet not being able to solve my own mysteries.

I'd hate to think people misinterpret this post as a cheap fishing attempt for a barrage of sympathy and concern related messages. It's not. It is a tender to those who can provide insight. A stranger's perception is usually unbiased though rarely authentic, but I'd like to know anyway.

Times are changing but it doesn't mean you should too. But what if you did it unwillingly, subconsciously? Does heart, desire and will give in to this primordial and fundamental instinct?

Or like I said, either that or I'm getting bored with my daily routine and should get an inamorata ASAP ... :)

"You taste like honey, honey, tell me can I be your honey?"

Magnanimous ~

On December 31st, Rhockaby is feeling : Magnanimous ~

What you give you get back.

What you put in you receive.

What happened before will return full circle.

What goes around comes around.

The memorabilia of 2006, 100 top things worth remembering this year! Here goes:

100. I managed to get into 2nd year in Uni!
99. I found another person with the same birthday as me.
98. I started using Limewire.
97. I discovered Tao.
96. I got a crush on someone.
95. Got me a new pair of jeans.
94. Helped grandmama at her stall.
93. Started using Adobe Photoshop.
92. Made a new best friend.
91. Learned how to make chicken rice.
80. Got heaps of acknowledgments for my Useless Facts!
89. Officially raw-battled for the first time.
88. Went to Genting!
87. Rode awesome roller coasters!
86. Fell in love. :)
85. Came up with the name "M*** *** C******" for a cafe I wanna open.
84. Visited distant family in KL.
83. Plan on getting a new phone.(w950 ... drools ...)
82. Received a keepsake.
81. Gave away Kanchome! ;)
80. Discovered mms! Hahaha ~
79. Enjoyed karaoke.
78. Got a job, all by my little self.
77. Got called a 'mutha******' at work. :(
76. Bought an apron.
75. Received my very first hard earned pay! :D
74. Saw a different side of Melbourne.
73. Learned to appreciate the gift that is Starbucks.
72. Became a Tekken hardcore.
71. Singlehandedly washed plates, cups, pans, utensils and equipment to provide food for 400++ hungry customers. So don't ever tell me I don't know what labor work feels like cause I've been there.
70. Broke a heart.
69. Embraced CSS coding.
68. In one night played with the webcam more than I've played in a year.
67. Danced with Melbourne's finest breakers.
66. Developed in interest to Suckoa.
65. Lent a large sum of money! (Trust me, it's not you.)
64. Got a red pair of gloves! Comfy!
63. Given the alias 'Yoshi' by the tekken guys.
62. Started vigorous abdomen workouts.
61. Bough a dis functional webcam. :(
60. Got my w810i! Whoot whoot!
59. Talked. And talked. And talked.
58. Finished a massive steel structures report.
57. Failed to answer a very important call.
56. Got the shock of the year.
55. Had cousins fly in from Malaysia to lift spirits up!
54. Had my hair tied!
53. Beat Johnno at Tekken!
52. Got a leather jacket as a gift!
51. Quit work for the first time. Got a steak as a going away present, haha!
50. Got my heart broken.
49. Found comfort in solitude and tears. :)
48. Discovered the joy that is Alone Time.
47. Tasted custard tarts!
46. Got more than 50++ kids to dance and express themselves at an event!
45. Bought my first AX shirt!
44. Busted prefect mills in a break session.
43. Bought my now missing-in-action black army cap.
42. Battled cat city's local bboys.
41. Discovered Pandan Susu Drink!
40. Status change.
39. Relived Taekwondo.
38. Made loads of new friends!
37. Introduced to the joy that is Paulino Piotto!
36. Wore a construction safety hat for the first time.
35. Stopped a fight on Swanston Street.
34. Attended 7.00 am training sessions.
33. Started to enjoy green tea!
32. Won silver in Taekwondo Australian Uni Games! :D
31. Started to converse in basic chinese.
30. Rode in an ambulance for the first time!
29. Introduced to Maplestory!
28. Traveled to Adelaide by land.
27. Dosed with morphine. Wicked stuff, seriously.
26. Had korean food! Yummy!
25. Experienced the damnation that is land surveying; traversing and leveling! :~(
24. Started using BitComet!
23. Tried a new hairstyle, works awesomely!
22. Had a big hassle with my insurance company.
21. Got on Tram 86 instead of 96 and enjoyed a less-than-thrilling ride to Bundoora Campus.
20. Got a crush.
19. Played badminton with friends, first time in years.
18. Got to level 30 with my Assassin! :D
17. Bought A-Cash!
16. Nailed a 180-flip, with air!
15. Visited Yaya's house for Raya celebration!
14. Discovered Umai! Waa, belalak aih!
13. Got a friend a jacket!
12. Rearranged my room, so spacious now!
11. Hit 160km/h!
10. Flew a kite with Ayu!
9. Discovered e-cosway! Haha, life time supply of free money!
8. Started wearing a watch.
7. Discovered I have food allergy! 0_0"
6. Learnt how to read, write and speak Mandarin!
5. Forgave and forgot.
4. Hugged mom.
3. Slept on the forsaken mat in the dining area. Damn, I'm gonna miss that mat.
2. Wrote a list of a hundred things worth remembering this year.

And now, the number 1 thing most memorable of 2006 for Rhockaby is ...

1. AT 20 YEARS OLD I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO RIDE A MOTORCYCLE! AND NOT JUST THE SMALL BIKES, BUT ABUYAH'S BIG BIKE! WAAAA, I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF!

(Highlight here!)

Thanks 2006, you were fun at times, then dull, and then you were adrenaline pumping, and then you were just plain mean. But all and all, I'd have nothing changed. It was a great year for me, period! Looking forward to another year! Whoppie!

Tepid ~

On December 25th, Rhockaby is feeling : Tepid ~

Comes the nightfall will return the dawn.

Now in many ways, I believe the concept of karma. Buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat dibalas jahat. So when people do harm to you, initially you think that either they will pay for their misguided actions or you will receive some sort of consolation.

But how about this ...

Say a misdeed has been done upon you, for reasons that you find complete obscene. In no way do you find this act tolerable and by your standards its something you just don't do to other people. Now add a separation of time into this scenario. You're all better now, the previous ache is nothing more than a bantam itch. All is well when suddenly ... JENG JENG JENG (sorry couldn't resist) ... a familiar situation comes into play. This feels familiar, you think you've been here before. Oh my, you WERE here before, just not on this side of the field.

The formations are set. Whistle is blown and the game begins. You play wholeheartedly, doing everything according to instinct, playing the game the way you think is best. And then it hits you (an innuendo not a ball). Your game play, team formations, strategies and mind games ... they are everything you deem wrong. They are everything you despise and simply inadequate by every manner. But No wonder they did this, it feels so right!

Whoa. How the hell did that happen ...

They say walk a mile in you enemies shoes before you authenticate that you're on the right side of the war. Well now I'm in their shoes (kinda small though, sakit nak berjalan). The question is, to play with guilt or walk away with pride.

Decisions decisions ... :)

Perplexed ~

On October 25th, Rhockaby is feeling : Perplexed ~

If there is anything about me that you should know, it is that I pride myself on being unique. Like many others out there, I cuztomize like mad. Sometimes to stand out of the crowd. Sometimes to catch a certain someones eye. Sometimes just cause I feel like it. Sometimes just for the sake of it. This pride would sometimes lead me to doing some pretty weird (in some cases scary) sh|t. Now if you've known me for quite sometime and have been subjected to my company, then you'll prolly know what these things are. If you don't, well you may read on and learn an extra thing or two bout me:

(Now Zack, when you re-read this in the future, you'll prolly laugh your heart out as well. So what I wan't you to do is write a new post (assuming you're still blogging) and mark those which you still do and mark off those that you don't anymore!)

(See, that was some weird sh|t right there ...)

1. I love random hello's and hi's. I will step up to a stranger on the street and say hi. Almost got me into a fight with a big bald guy once!

2. I will greet you half way through a conversation.

3. When all is silent, I will make an annoying little noise.

4. I tend to press the alarm button in the elevator.

5. Anything that is red, I will say it looks good. I will not stop saying it looks good until you agree with me.

6. If I find something funny bout you, I will imitate.

7. And trust me, I LOVE IMITATING!

8. I will repeat you're question in a tone as if it were an answer. Usually takes people a couple of seconds to comprehend and go "What!?".

9. I fiddle my fingers and make em dance.

Ehem ... that was shorter than I expected. I need to study now.

Relinquished ~

On October 9th, Rhockaby is feeling : Relinquished ~

Smokey now. Yikes, I didn't realize the athmosphere got so stuffy. When did this happen? No surprise I guess ... I didn't even realize our numbers just quadrupled, what more the air I breathed.

Dry now. I could really use a drink. But this siren's wailing is hypnotic, indulging. To some it is a high pitched shriek, stabbing the mind, fulmination after fulmination. But tell that to the sailors. Tell that to the sailors, mind's captivated by melody so enthralling that jagged rocks that would have issued a warning of death and danger to any sober man simple became clouds of a heavenly haven. And then, silence. Fortunately for me, jagged rocks are seats of comfort and though the melodic siren' melody bewitches me, I still claim sanity.

Blurry now. My sight is fading. Dark. Darker. There is so much a man would give to be able to stand in the streets in the presence of a holy rain, one of God's most precious gifts to humanity. A drop of water forms thousands of feet above the ground, begins its fall from
paradise. It sees a giant globe of blue and green and white. 'What giant being is this?' and keeps falling. It sees seperated continents.

"This being is cut! Is it bleeding?" and keeps falling. It sees high-rises of cities and poverty prone villages.

"It is burnt? Then why partially healed?" and keeps falling. It sees man of different faces. Man of different colors. Cussing, swearing, very very angry men. It seems women. Mothers. Daughters. They seems sad. Something about war, the drop of water does not understand this. It keeps falling. Fnally, the drop of water sees it target.

"My destination ..." and it keeps falling. A pair of two small palms, out streched by two small hands on two straight arms. In between lies two wide opened eyes, astonished, awaiting and staring straight up, eyes on the drop of water. It was the most beautiful thing the droplet had ever seen. Such purity, sinless innocence. The droplet notices it is not alone. Millions upon millions of other droplets are falling with it.

"Our destination ..." and they keep on falling. The upper lip of a child was the last thing the droplet remembered seeing. It heard laughter and giggling ... and wouldn't you be if you were playing in the rain? Adults try hard to seek solitude in water. Long showers? Letting the water ram you for minutes and minutes and minutes, trying desperately to wash your woe away. So
why don't we? We claim to be more knowledgeable than children, so what do children see that we don't?

Hungry now. Hungry for movement. Hungry for a chase. Hungry for total insecurity. Hungry for thrills. Hungry for uplifting moments. Hungry for long walks. Hungry for long talks. Hungry for caressing. Hungry for commitment.

aWhat does all this imply? These hungers are illusions ... everything, all my cravings can be resolved and this journey would be treaded head-on if I had your hand in mine.