Relished ~

On August 29th, Rhockaby is feeling : Relished ~

Just got this forwarded to me in the Bulletin board. It's one of those obscene jokes that you know you should dispise but in the end ... well ... you know ...

In a second grade sex education class, a little girl asks,

"Teacher, can my momma get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your mother?"

The little girl says, "Forty."

The teacher says, "Yes, your mother could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?"

The little girl answers, "Nineteen."

The teacher says, "Oh my yes, your sister certainly could get pregnant."

The little girl asks, "Can I get pregnant?"

The teacher asks, "How old are you?"

The little girl says, "I'm seven years old!"

The teacher says, "No, you can't get pregnant."

The little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says,

"See, I told you we had nothing to worry about!!!!!"

Seriously, who comes up with this shiat?

Chapfallen ~

On August 29th, Rhockaby is feeling : Chapfallen ~

*Cough-cough* ... I was asking for it.

Last week I had a sorethroat and was coughing like mad. Not only did this disrupt my daily much needed slumber, but also my taekwondo training. Through out training I had to constantly drink water to hydrate my dry throat. People started giving me that look.

'You get tired this easily?' is probably what they would have said out loud if Tuan's warming up drills weren't occupying them enough.

Eventually, it got better. By Thursday evening training it was just a slight tingle in my throat and by friday morning it was gone. Yay!

Sunday morning was a bone shivering 15 degrees (I think ... well it felt that cold). I was meeting up the ark gang for a site surveying fieldtrip.

MISTAKE 1: NEVER EVER HAVE A SLURPEE ON A WINTER-LIKE DAY NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOUR ANNOYING FISH FRIEND TEMPS YOU.

Fish and I met up with Worm, Ducky and Mummy Ducky at Albert Park. Survey site was just accross the street. Didnt take us more than 30 minutes (with 30 minutes spent on an unknown sun bathing cat). A walk down St. Kilda beach brought us to an ice cream shop.

MISTAKE 2: WHEN YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW YOU JUST RECOVERED FROM A COLD, AND YOU JUST HAD A SLURPEE FOR BREAKFAST, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS KINDLY DECLINE AN ICE-CREAM OFFERING.

Unfortunately, I'm not a big fan of later consequences. I live in the moment, yeaa yeaa! So I downed that oh so nice double-gelato of pistachio and chocoyummy. We parted there cause Rhokku was starting to feel not so well.

Tram ride home was killer. My body started to heat up, I felt nausiated. Urghh ... when I reached home, conditions got so bad I had to call off the rarely celebrated house cleaning event (I can always do it this weekend). A good nights rest got my temperature down. However now I'm stuck with the same annoying coughing throat that I had last week.

*Cough-cough* Oh well ... like I said ... I was asking for it.

Pollyannaished ~

On August 22nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Pollyannaished ~

There's somthing tingling inside me. A very faint voice telling me to go with it. A sense of familiarity willing me to accept its offering.

'Everything is going to be ok, isnt it?'

2.04 AM [Log Start]

2.08 AM [I've sat here for 4 straight minutes and nothing is coming to mind. Yet I so want to type something down.]

2.09 AM [Second attemp to start re-start post]

Experience. The fact that more experience makes a person more knowledgeable has been proven countless times over. Previous experiences teaches us, prepares us for upcoming things and events. We learn to expect, we learn to prepare.

But what would you give to relive a moment when you discovered who the real mastermind villian is in an all time favorite book of yours? What would you give to feel that great sense to awe of a magical illusion you once saw but now know the trick behind it? What you you give to feel again the joy of blowing your first soap bubble? What would you give to sense the giddiness when you first held hands with you crush?

Best moments are mostly the firsts of anything. People always go 'I remember the first time I...' followed by another memorable anecdote. Its that sense of discovery, a sense of excitement, unable to predict, unable to comprehend. A smile slowly carves its way onto thy face and awe follows.

Children, little children ... they feel this everyday. Everyday a new magic trick is presented to them. Candles being lit. Magic! Glow in the dark. Magic! Coin behind your ear! Magic!

As we grow older, we grow more arrogant. When someone performs something we have not yet seen, not yet comprehend, instead of applauding we intend to guess. We want to know how this is done.

"You know what, I think it was done like this ..."

"I reckon this is the correct explanation ..."

Curiosity? No. Knowledge is a powerful thing, and powerful things have always proven to be drug-like addictive. No one sits there and lets the mystery linger anymore. No one wants to be the person who just enjoys the performance but not know the science behind it.

2.31 AM [My arguments have no basis of what so ever ... I'm sleepy ... Rhockku will sleep now ...]

2.32 AM [Log Ends]

Reluctant ~

On August 14th, Rhockaby is feeling : Reluctant ~

Every night since then. Please, no more ... I don't want it anymore. It just hurts too damn much. Please, just go away and let me be ...

Decrepited ~

On August 12th, Rhockaby is feeling : Decrepited ~

"Zack, we've discussed this before."

"I know, I know ... but wouldn't I be off better doing something that I like?"

"The reason you're not doing it is because it won't earn you as much. Think realistically. Logically."

Like so many times before, Bee was right. Again.

I smacked my wrist.

'Oh ya, I forgot ...'

I look around. Hah, these guys must get over a couple hundred customers per day, and they still can't afford a clock? I wasn't wearing my watch, kinda forgot to put it on. You know that empty feeling you get when you're so used to wearing a watch and one day you just don't wear it? Kinda gets to you after awhile. Oh well, there's always my w810i.

"Bear me for another 20 minutes, Bee"

"You kidding? I enjoy these talks with you."

The feeling is downright mutual.

Lately old thoughts have been creeping back into my mind. I found myself conflicted on doing what I know I should be doing with what I know I love doing (Go ahead, don't be ashamed. Read the sentance a second time). I'm a 20 year old second year uni student of the Royal Melbourne Institute of TechMOlogy studying Civil and Infrastructure. Why am I doing this course. Two simple facts:

• I like numbers. A lot.
• My dad want's me to become a civil engineer, get a good job, earn lots and lots of money, be able to live an easy life, afford life's earthly luxuries and be the greatest example my siblings will ever witness.

I wanted to do something else. Computer science! I love coding. Back when mIRC was 'Da Thang', people were using all sorts scripts. I developed my own. When friendster came up with CSS customization, I had the initiative to learn CSS (from scratch), customize my page and even came up with a tutorial (which I reckon is sh|t since www.editfriendster.com came out :P). I started making games at the age of 15, and even during foundation studies I forced my friends to play em! *Sigh* I would have loved to do computer science.

Whatabout arts? I love drawing and designing! Nothing feels as complacent as a finished drawing on an A3 sized sketchpad drawn with a black marker and pen. Again, my frienster page has gone through countless renovations, each time a different theme, each time designed from ground zero. Designing programs are tools of creativity. 3DMax, Photoshop, Worldcraft, Vavle's Hammer ... I design models of 3d structures, countless maps for the infamous Counterstrike, hundreds upon hundreds of edited pictures. And yet everyday I turn pages of numbers numbers numbers (well in this semester's case facts facts facts.)

People have told me, countless times, that its good I have such a balance between my IQ and EQ. It lets me have that 'edge' over others. But I'll always be lacking one thing. Like so many things it is not quantity, but quality. Is it possible to excel in ALL that? Is it possible to be among the best in all catagories? Doing so many things in such a short period of time (trust me, we humas live longer than we should), is it even feasible?

I, Zack 'Rhockaby' Sabry, would like to think so. I'll be among the best in allllllll of that. I'll try hard and even harder. I'll strive to get better even when I think I''ve already done enough. I'm getting to the peak of the mountain, and when I reach there, I'll continue flying towards the heavens. I'll do good and make myself pround. Oh, and having the edge over you will just be a consolation. ;

Frivolous ~

On August 4th, Rhockaby is feeling : Frivolous ~

(Ofcorse, by writing this here, I'm proving what a coward I am. I felt like writing poetry instead but .. um ... like ... poetry isn't really my strong point ... and ... yeah ...)

Hi there,

Yes. The pain is unbareable. I'm 15 years old again. I hate it. But what to do? Well, I could always consult myself.

People that come to me with this problem, I always give them the same answer.

"You've hit rock-bottom. Now the only place left to go is up."

So why am I not ascending? Prolly because I'm still holding on to this false truth that I want to believe so much. Every night I go back in time and relive those uplifting moments. And every night I go back in time, sittting in that blue office chair, handset tilted, holding back those fucking tears and pulling the best lie of my life.

"I'll be fine. (Smile)"

I lied.

"We'll still be friends. I promise."

I lied some more.

"It'll prolly take months."

Lol. Shameful attemp for sympathy. Or is it empathy? Erk!

Man I must have been good cause it sounded like you bought it. Or were you just playing along as I always was? Ehihi. One thing that I still can't figure out. Up until the very end, the very very end, you still couldn't be honest.

Oh well. I knew he made the call. Infact, I found out that very night. So much for true colors huh? Always telling me you would appreciate the truth more than anything else, and yet what you want you will not give. It's ok (I'm lying again), you must have had very good reasons to jeapordize our amitié. Whatever they were, didn't you think I deserved the truth more than anyone else? After all I did and endured, didn't I? *Sigh* Apparently not.

And yet ...Dispite that I still couldn't hate. Still trying to save you from a guilty conscience. (Did you ever even feel guilty? I don't know ... so much doubt now ...) Still couldn't explode. Still couldn't plummet you with hatred. Hang on. Was there any reason to? Well, there was that long period of 4 or 5 weeks that you never called. No thats not it. You were busy. Um ... Oh! The phone call you made just before my first examination! Yes, thats it! Talk about demotivating, lol!

(Wow ... if you're reading this, you prolly really hate me by now. It's ok, I dont mind. Who wouldnt.)

It's already been what... 2 or 3 weeks since we said our goodbyes? I thought I'd be doing pretty fine by now. But alas, I can fool even the closest to me but not myself. Who am I kidding, right? So I've decided to go for an extreme. (Suits me I guess, I've always prefered extreme measures.) I guess you'll actually support this, cause you know ... you never were keen on letting people close to you know about me. What would they say!

So I'll do us a favor (well actually I'm just doing this for myself) and dissolve everything there was about us. No pictures. No memories. No nothing. Exactly! Now no one will ever know, right? Big favor there, you owe me one!

I still won't go back on the one thing I've always meant; I have no regrets. Neither of us wished for what happened to happen, but thats not what matters. What matters is how we actually dealed with it, and honestly, you really disappointed me. :( All those times talking to you about how precious our amitié was to us ... good Lord, who would believe ... I don't wish things tuned out differently, cause then I would have never seen that shocking and unforseen part of you.

Maybe one day we'll be friends again. Maybe one day we'll look back on this and laugh our asses off. Well I might, anyways. But for now, I bid you farewell. It was fun while it lasted, really! Have a good life and make it big ya. Taa ~

Yours sarcastically.

Fortified ~

On August 2nd, Rhockaby is feeling : Fortified~

After three long years of abandoning Taegeuks and stances, I'm finally gonna get back into the kicking business. Yes. It's high time a pay my tribute tho those long six years of training and instructing and rejoin the glorious world of ki-ups, bows and kicks so fast it'll take you 5 minutes to comprehend what just happened; the glorious world that is Taekwondo.

So this guy David (Tekken pro, has a Shinan 'Steve Fox') hands me a flyer during lunch break yesterday.

"Taekwondo?"

"Uh... yea... sure..."

Back in foundation when I first arrived in Melbourne, I seeked out this very same club. Why? Cause back then I LOVED Taeky. A lot! William and I went for a trial session. I was, ultimately, disappointed. Training
was nothing like what I use to do back home. It wasn't bad. It was just, well ... different. New warm-ups. New drills. They even called a 'Turning Kick' a 'Roundhouse Kick' damn it! And how come 'Backthrusts'are called 'Spinning Kicks'? Everything was wrong. I never came back.

That is, until yesterday.

"Dave, you a member?"

"Yea! I'm a beginner, but I learn pretty fast!"

Exactly! That's what makes Taeky so fun! Moves are retardedly simple when taught correctly. Imagine the thrill of a new comer when he's able to pull of a 'Jumping Double Front Kick' 30 minutes into the class.

"Encourage you students. Let em have fun and enjoy the lesson", is what Mr.Tan always told me. I wonder, did those kids back at school enjoy my lessons? Lol, guess I'll never know.

"Aha. There it is."

Taekwondo booth in sight. Lol. There's the instructor! And the receptionist, I remember her. She's from Malaysia. Wonder if they'll recognise me. Maybe they'll go "Hey, wasn't this the guy who bailed out on the club 2 and a half years ago?".

Nah ...

"Hi there! Do you guys have a flyer that I could look at?"

Ofcorse, I already had one in my left pocket.

"Yea yea! Here you go! Interested?"

"Yes indeed."

"Done any Taekwondo before?"

"Just a bit back home."

"Good good! You should join!"

"Do I put my name down here?"

"Right there. So, you've done Taekwondo before. What rank are you?"

"Oh. I'm black belt 1st Dan."

"Then you will feel right at home!"

The trial class was, how shall I put it ... nostalgic? Doing Taegeuks, face-to-face pad training, breathing calmly while getting the shit kicked out of you ... oh its gonna be a good semester for kicking.

Second class tomorrow! Hurrah for Zack! Now all I need is a bigger uniform. Wearing one that looks looks like a tank top is quite kicking material. So there. :)